1889 days old
last post: Aug 9, 2018
1 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-09 16:22
What do you plan on doing over the summer? I bought some watercolours and a Japanese language textbook.
I want to make some cute flower paintings!
2 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-09 16:24
I'm going to study math in my free time due to never being good at it in school.
3 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-09 18:57
Upgrade my computer. I should also mention that being a NEET summer is no different than any other season for me
4 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-09 20:41
I've been living the NEET life for a while now as well so I figure I should try to get a job. It's way more stressful than I thought it would be though.
5 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-09 23:55
I'm going to try and improve my drawing skills, and hopefully get a job as well. It might also be nice to finish an album over the summer!
6 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-12 08:15
I plan on being uncomfortably busy with school. I wish I was a NEET again ;_;
7 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-12 08:35
I just graduated high school so I'm gonna work all summer to try and save up some money. I work as a sailing school instructor for kids between 9-16, it's quite a lot of fun even though it's one of the most heavily underpaid summer jobs you can get.
8 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-12 09:15
It's depressingly late for this, but I hope I can find a summer job. Whether I do or don't, I shall try to read a lot of non-fiction in fields I am interested in to meet more academic success.
9 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-12 10:30
Being in the southern hemisphere, I suppose it's winter goals for me... Ideally I can get a job and start saving for all the things I've set my heart on. That and do something about my social life.
But more realistically, I'll just stay poor and lonely for some years to come.
10 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-12 14:08
I'll dig Japanese Grammar and Vocab and such. Maybe I'll do some stuff about my Latin. The last exam was really bad, I hope my report and graduation won't be affected way too much.
11 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-14 23:36
I gave a myself a few goals for the summer to complete before the summer is over. One, learn the 108 Hiragana. Two learn Taiyou no Uta on guitar. Three run three days a week at a minimum. Four make money to take a trip to visit a friend.
12 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-15 00:24
That job sounds like a blast.
13 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-15 15:49
It's a lot of fun, and don't go calling me a pervert now but the lightly-clad teenage girls are pleasing to the eye.
The only downsides are the pay, as stated before, and the working hours (which is kinda related to the pay). You work from 8-6, mon-fri and get about 290 EUR a week ($390, £250), though I talked to some of the others and they said that apparently you get paid based on age and for how long you've worked. This is only my second year there so I guess it's all right.
14 Name: Anonymous : 2013-06-15 19:50
To try and survive.
15 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-08 02:15
Lose ten ponds. Get abs.
16 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-12 03:53
We're well into summer now. How is everyone doing on their goals? Made any progress or changed anything?
I still haven't gotten a job, but I'm not giving up!
17 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-12 05:44
I haven't upgraded my computer, but I HAVE bought a 32GB USB flash drive for my xbox, so when GTA5 comes out I have space to install it. Then when the PC version comes out I can get rid of the GTA stuff and have 32GB of extra storage space for my beloved 2D girl pictures. Of course, to play the eventual PC version I would have to first upgrade my computer, and... ( ´･ω･`)
18 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-12 06:33
I plan on mastering cold showers. I've started taking cold showers yesterday and so far it's hell. However, I plan on pulling through and honestly incorporating this into my regular lifestyle. If all goes as planned, I'll never take a hot shower for the rest of my life. Wish me luck ;_;
19 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-12 08:12
I did that around a year ago and it did seem to boost my mood/energy levels. You can do it!
20 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-12 12:05
I'll go on vacation in 2 weeks or so. That's when I'll start learning grammar. Now I'm getting by with vocabulary and Kanji. My school report will also be pretty good!
21 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-14 01:11
Taking cold showers boosts your mood and energy levels? How?
22 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-15 01:35
I don't know about energy or mood but it has positive effects on the cardiovascular system. The shock makes your veins contract and expand giving them a sort of workout if you will.
23 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-15 16:12
I can play practically everything I want on the guitar, so I'm focusing on getting in shape by jogging and doing bodyweight exercises. I'm noticably improving. The rest of my summer "goals" are drinking and hanging out with friends.
24 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-29 00:34
I've pretty much mastered the Hiras and I feel pretty proud about it.
I've made all the money I need to take the trip to visit my friend.
I have NOT learned the song I wanted to.
I have NOT JS or Python. It's hard to get the motivation to. I don't know why.
I tried doing cold showers, but nooope. I'm just not as tough and MANLY as >>19-
25 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-31 17:03
I've tried the cold shower thing as well today. Breathing was a bit hard in the beginning, but I quickly came to realize its charms. Afterwards I felt like I could handle a bear or so to speak, haha.
26 Name: Anonymous : 2013-07-31 21:27
I went swimming with my sister today. It was great to see her out of the house.
27 Name: Anonymous : 2013-08-13 18:27
Thought I'd give an update and answer >>16-
It's been one month since I've started taking cold showers, and the whole experience was really hard the first couple weeks! But after that it was really quite easy. It starts out a little uncomfortable, but I can ease into it much much faster than when I started. I certainly think it's worth it, it boosts my self esteem quite a bit. I've heard it's common to do a "one month cold shower challenge", but I'm not stopping here. No way.
So I think this actually completes my summer goal. My next (autumn?) goal is to learn how to lucid dream. Starting today I'll be doing those reality checks periodically and when I dream I'll write down everything I remember. I realize that this will take much longer to accomplish so I'm starting now. Hopefully this won't be as hard as cold showers (´･ω･`)
28 Name: Anonymous : 2013-08-14 09:19
Once you get the habits down it's actually pretty easy. I find it's helpful to write a letter/symbol on your hand to remind you to do reality checks when you see it (I used "A" for "aware").
29 Name: Anonymous : 2017-06-23 05:33
I've been wanting to do that for a while, I've tried one or twice, but it's a bit hard to get into the swing of things
30 Name: Anonymous : 2017-06-23 05:34
I've been wanting to do that for a while, I've tried one or twice, but it's a bit hard to get into the swing of things
31 Name: Anonymous : 2017-06-23 06:04
Get a professional certification, finish a few self teaching guides that review some high school topics I haven't touched in years, and finally finish "How to draw on the left side of the brain" to see if drawing is a viable hobby for me.
I should finish all this within the month which means I can look for a job in peace.
32 Name: Anonymous : 2017-06-24 17:07
I'm gonna have to find a job or I'll be thrown out of here... which is only fair, I've been a NEET for a while now. But I'm confident it'll work out this time.
Other than that, I plan on getting a server and finally start hosting a few things. I want to start a blog where I talk about programming-related things in general, and another where I (and maybe a friend of mine) review old FPS and similar games, maybe even start making videos when I get a good enough computer to record them well and a microphone.
I'm planning to review most FPS that came out in the period between Doom and when brown 'n' bloom CoD clones became popular.
33 Name: Anonymous : 2017-06-24 23:25
I recently graduated from NEEThood myself. Good luck, you can do it.
I love retro FPS; post a link to your blog when you get it started.
34 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-03 23:19
It's winter where I live, but I plan to finish some projects and start learning japanese. It's a language that I've always been interested, but I was just too lazy to start learning it.
I hope I don't give up on it again.
35 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-03 23:28
I'm late to the thread but I'm taking the summer off. My main concern is finishing my stack of books and a small certification test. Once august rolls around I'll go back to work.
36 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-05 10:38
Get into a university, finish with my gun papers and join IPSC. Also restart Japanese learning since now I've got enough time for that.
37 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-06 00:36
I started to try and learn japanese but I was scared off by the very steep time commitment. Good on you for joining IPSC, are you from Europe? I think you have to join by law. I used to compete with IDPA but stopped because the time commitment again was too much for what little I was actually shooting.
38 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-07 05:28
I've been working hard in preparation for a poetry contest. I'm due to submit in about a week! I doubt I shall win, but I think the reality check will be worth the entry fee.
39 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-07 07:13
Good luck! Are you one of the people who has posted in the poetry thread here?
40 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-07 07:29
Thank you! I haven't posted anything in the poetry thread, but I might sometime soon. Keep your eyes peeled!
41 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-11 20:53
i'll be entering college in november and until then i will be working full-time at a postal hotline.
i hope to have moar time for my hobbies now too. i'm also looking for a girlfriend
to think that it's been like 6 years since i first typed 4chan.org into my address bar
42 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-11 20:55
was posted by me lmao.
43 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-12 01:14
What sort of hobbies do you have? I'm always on the lookout for better ones.
44 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-13 04:24
Gamble less, pay off debts, save up enough for a car..
45 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-13 17:21
I'm in Russia, the place's pretty lax with guns compared to the rest of Europe, but to shoot real pistols (at all) and rifles (without the 5yr waiting period) you need to be a sportsman.
And on time commitment for Japanese: studying Anki decks while on transport can do wonderful things.
46 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-13 20:13
I started grinding kanji two weeks ago, it's entertaining so far. the logograms are going to get harder to recognize soon though..
47 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-15 22:19
Five years is a long time, here in texas you can buy a gun and use it at the range the same day. It's when you want to have a concealed license that it takes a few months to get everything together.
It's a shame too, pistols are the ones that I think are the best. They're much easier to deal with than rifles or shotguns. Easier to take apart, easier to clean, take up less space, more accessible, and more places to compete with when I was into that.
As for the japanese stuff, I did set up anki but I didn't really feel like it was a worthwhile thing to do the time commitment was just an easy excuse to drop it.
48 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-16 07:21
I recently got a bike that my dad used to use, but doesn't anymore, and I feel obligated to start riding it. I usually walk to where I need to go so it can only be a good thing. The only problem is that I'm scared to start riding it.
Aside from my nervousness of starting, maintaining it is something I'm also in the dark about. I would like to make the bike last and not have it break under my feet and that kind of plays into my nervousness of riding it.
In any case my goal is to ride it at least once and learn how to maintain it this summer, even though it's kind of late.
49 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-16 10:24
If it's a good bike it won't really need maintenance. Just take it to a bike repair shop every once in a while to tune brakes and shifter and check up on it. Once a year is probably enough if you don't ride it that much, otherwise whenever you feel like the brakes or shifter aren't working as well.
The only think you should probably learn is how to change the inner tube if you plan on going far, having it blow up when you're away from home sucks if you don't know how do change it.
Otherwise, just enjoy the bike. What kind of bike is it, mountain or road or city?
50 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-16 13:21
It's a mountain bike, I think it's a nice bike but I can't say for certain because I'm not very knowledgeable on bikes. It has a few years on it because I got it from my dad, but it wasn't really used much so it's mostly been collecting dust, which makes me a little nervous. I think before I ride it I might just go to a bike shop and make sure everything is fine because of that reason. I don't think I would go too far but I'll ask about the inner tube regardless just for peace of mind.
I appreciate the response by the way.
51 Name: Anonymous : 2017-07-16 16:59
Yeah, you should take it to a bike shop for tuning if it hasn't been used for a while, but otherwise it should be all right.
As for the inner tube, you just need a small lever to remove the tire and a replacement for the tube, you can watch a video online or ask at the bike shop for how to do it, it's not too hard.
Also make sure to have a pump, and check if your tires are inflated every once in a while.
That's all I can think of, if you keep those things in mind you'll be fine. I hope you'll have fun!
52 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-13 04:00
I'm gonna finish working on my webpage by summer's end.
53 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-13 06:21
What are you using for it? Node, Django, Rails, or something else? Is it just a static site, or something interactive? Are you doing it from scratch, or using a CMS?
54 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-18 01:31
Just plain html with some basic jscript on the side because I'm a total rookie when it comes to web development.
55 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-18 14:55
You should learn MEAN stack and jQuery and Bootstrap.
56 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-19 18:46
Go back to school.
57 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-21 10:36
No, he should do what he's comfortable with first. There's no point overcomplicating things. When a carpenter decides to build his first chair, he doesn't buy a factory.
58 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-21 18:23
Practice playing the acoustic guitar again and get the courage to change my name and gender marker legally.
This will be a long summer.
59 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-21 21:06
Since it's too late for much, one of my main goals is to just go on a road trip. Like rent a car; save a few hundred bucks or so for gas, food,and shelter; and just go somewhere.
60 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-22 00:48
change my name and gender marker legally
61 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-22 10:15
Try to get my sleep cycle back to actual sleep and not just 3 hours of angsturning.
62 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-22 18:53
I'm aware but your comment isn't going to stop me
63 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-22 19:46
you should get therapy and also wait a while (you'll get over this phase) instead of ruining your life with hormones and mutilation
64 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-22 23:29
I'm such a loser waste of space, summer is halfway over and not only could I not get a job but I haven't done anything productive, I start for like a day and then something goes wrong like my bicycle pedal breaking or I just never do it again.
I don't think I've accomplished anything in years now. I guess I kinda just barely learned to skateboard back in the summer of 2015, but that was just enough to keep my balance and go around, and I didn't really keep at it.
Well that' pretty much been my whole life from as far back as around 9-10. If there's anything good about it, it's that as a result I have a cursory knowledge on a pretty wide variety of uncommon subjects. None of that means anything compared to someone who can stick with a task though.
65 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-23 08:49
Lately I've been feeling kind of similar, it's 3am where I am now and I should be asleep, but i'm staying up to do some things that I keep procrastinating at, I did it last night and I just keep doing it, and then i'll probably wake up ungodly late tomorrow morning and then not even be tired enough to go to sleep at midnight or prior like a normal person. And I keep relapsing into some stupid addictions that are messing up my life and were probably at least partially responsible for making me feel unworthy of sympathy in highschool and that let me get pulled into all kinds of awful crap on the internet and in my mind, and recently whenever I look in the mirror I get really grossed out by my muscle, sorry, that probably sounds like a joke or a humblebrag but i just feel so disgusted when I see it I just feel nauseous, and i'm so out of practice with drawing it's really frustrating. Anyway i'm gonna try to fix my life now, tomorrow i'm gonna call a recruiter and talk about the national guard or the airforce and see which one can get me a decent career in cybersecurity or anything else CS related, and i'm gonna keep trying to focus on art and music and things like that more, until i'm back in practice and not so bad anymore, I can lose weight and muscle too, and maybe then my reflection won't disgust me, or maybe i'm not disgusting and I just have BDD and will find myself disgusting no matter what, if that's the case I guess I can get therapy or something in a year or two when I have a stable career and hopefully more friends and an overall better life though.
66 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-23 17:56
Again, your comments are not going to stop me.
I'm not here to argue, and I am receiving therapy - have been for two years. Not every transgender gets their 'mutilation', anon. Yes, I know I'm mentally ill and doing unnatural things to my body, you do not need to tell me this.
I'm done with this conversation now. You're bound to keep trying to 'save' me from this, but what you don't realize is that this is the life I've chosen and that I am *very* aware of all the physical and verbal abuse both now and in my future.
67 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-23 19:03
Uh, I don't know how to phrase this really, but could you tell me a bit about your life? I think I have gender dysphoria and I'd sort of like to hear about other people and how they dealt with their experiences with it, to get some perspective, it's okay if you don't because it's too personal or something, though.
Specifically i'm interested in how you eventually transitioned, how old were you and how long had you been dealing with it and stuff like that.
68 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-24 05:52
not to derail the above discussion, but overall I want to better my health and form some better habits - much less mindless laptop usage, more meditation and reading, that kind of thing.
also looking to go back to therapy. meds I'm sure would help but there are things I need to tackle head on.
69 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-24 22:00
I bet you'll misinterpret my posts, as many people do regarding this issue. I do not hate you, and I have no ill will. Quite the contrary. I wish you the best in life. I hope you can get help. But enabling mental illness is not help. I am concerned that you will make decisions that have long-term/possibly irreversible changes based on some thoughts you have at this very moment. Don't make rash decisions. You know who else makes heat-of-the-moment decisions? People who kill themselves. At the time, based on how they were feeling in that moment, they thought a permanent solution was the best way to cope with temporary feelings. I urge you to consider waiting before making life-changing decisions like that. People get tattoos because at the time they thought it was a good idea. Then, years later, they regret it immensely. Then that feel worse, not better. But tattoos are just tattoos. What you want to do is much more serious. Fat peoppr oftrn don't want to diet and exercise even though that is what is best for them. Their desires (relaxing and eating comfort food) is actually making their problem worse.
People want to be happy. You think you will be happy by transitioning. I disagree. I think you need cognitive behavioral therapy, a supportive environment, and time to process your feelings. I think you will eventually change your mind.
I have had my own fair share of mental health issues. When I was very anxious, I wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to go out at all. I wanted to avoid things. What I wanted, as a mentally ill person, was not the best thing for me. My family enabled me, by not guiding me towards doing what would actually reduce my anxiety -- going out more. So by enabling me, and catering to what I wanted, people actually made my problem worse, not better. Years later, I realize that isolation made my problem with anxiety more severe, but I am glad I finally made the decision to go out more. But when I was not doing well, I didn't want to hear people telling me to go out more and confront my problem (social anxiety/agoraphobia). I wanted people to cater to my worldview, which was incorrect.
I have have many phases in life. Anxiety, emo, weeaboo, severe depression, and so on. For each of these things, I thought they would last forever. They did not. Consider that how you feel today shouldn't dictate your entire life's future. Consider the possibility that you're wrong. It's okay to admit that you're wrong and then change, instead of just doubling down. Don't do something you will regret later.
Nowadays, people are usually in the camp of being pro-LGBT, including trans, often as a fashion symbol to show how modern and progressive they are. Some genuinely care, but many bandwagon it. But I don't think very many people think deeply about it. On the other hand, there are people who are hateful, and that doesn't solve anything.
People with schizophrenia are mentally ill. They should be treated with love and respect, but they need therapy and help. People with anxiety or depression or eating disorders are also mentally ill, but they also deserve to be treated well and deserve the chance to get better. They need a supportive environment that is helpful but not enabling in a harmful way. You do not tell people with eating disorders that it's okay to be bulemic or anorexic. That is harmful. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm not religious, that's just a saying that I think applies here. I think people with gender dysphoria are the same way with other mentsl illnesses. You deserve love and respect and help, but the current social climate is actually hsrmful by telling people they should embrace their problem and make it worse rather than trying to get better.
People would wrongly lump me in with hateful people, but I think my approach is a stance that is actually more caring than the modern "acceptance" attitude which is misguided and causes real harm to those in need of rehabilitation.
You probably won't even listen to me though.
70 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-24 23:35
I will listen to you, don't make assumptions like that, it's really frustrating to be treated like i'm stupid just because I have a mental illness and I want perspective on from another victim.
I know gender dysphoria is a mental illness, but that doesn't mean that transitioning might be an effective treatment in some people, it might not be for me and a lot of other people though, you're right about that, that's why i'm asking for perspective from someone who did go through with it, because I want to expand my worldview regarding this huge decision that I may or may not take and have been considering for years. Sometimes things can be treated with therapy and totally cured, other things can sometimes only be mitigated through certain means, schizophrenia for example can't be cured, but it can be mitigated with medication.
Anyway I probably won't go through with anything, i'm already old enough that i'm mostly done maturing, and hrt wouldn't really have an effect, all I can do is make the best of what I've been given, though even as I try my best I know I'll probably just end up offing myself at 30 after drinking myself halfway to death for 9 years while being unable to interact with anyone and hating my body, self, and life, no matter if I was even born a woman or just didn't have this problem in the first place anyway.
I'm glad you were able to overcome your problems though, but I hate that a lot of people like you assume i'm not trying, or like I just sit and feel sorry for myself, I do try, I try really hard, sometimes I even succeed, but even then, it's just that, no matter where I go or what I become, I don't see how i'll be happy, I guess some people just aren't cut out for life, and i'm one of them I guess.
71 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-25 02:06
I never said that you're stupid or that you aren't trying hard. I'm sorry if my post came across that way, but it was not my intention.
But let's think about this. Why do you want to transition? Is it a grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence kind of thing? Because you hate yourself and your current body? I'm no therapist, but you should try to accept and love yourself for who you are. Learn to be okay with your body instead of wanting it to be different. Do you work out? That could make you feel better about it. I knoe it's easier said than done though.
Instead of fixating on your perceived negative qualities (which might not be accurate -- maybe you're being too hard on yourself), take some time to think about your good traits. Positive affirmation might sound silly, but do it anyway. It can help a little. It won't magically fix everything, but it's better than nothing. Putting yourself down like you did in your post is counterproductive. Additionally, your traits/skills aren't set in stone. People can always get better at things. Reframing thoughts in a positive way can do wonders for motivation. I am not super buff or anything, but I still go to the gym, because I know that I will get results if I stick with it. By practicing at something I wasn't good at, I'm getting better at it, slowly but surely. Maybe you can practice positive affirmations and thought reframing. It might seem like bullshit at first but maybe you'll accept it over time.
Here's something to start you off: you said you are "unable to interact with anyone" but you're able to write better than a lot of people I know. You're probably good at other things too, but it seems like you don't have very high self-esteem.
I know these issues aren't easy to deal with, but please don't kill yourself. I'd be lying if I said I never think about that too (maybe for different reasons though). But even so, I think about help maybe the future will be brighter, and so I live another day. I am not always happy but optimism about the future keeps me going. I hope you can reach out for help and also learn to be okay with who you are.
Do you talk to a therapist about this? Or anyone else? Friends, family, etc. Ask a therapist about ideas for positive coping mechanisms when you're feeling down. I drink too and I know it's a problem. It's not like I'm perfect either. But try to look into more productive ways to deal with negative emotions.
Lastly, there's a saying someone once told me: "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." Maybe not transitioning, but if you're unhappy now, you need to do something. If you stay the same, you will still continue to feel bad. Try different things. Not everything will work, but you have to try something. Weight lifting, painting, talking to a therapist, changing your diet, asking people you know for help and support (they can't read your mind and might not know what you're going through unless you straight up tell them), running, yoga, meditation, writing a book, volunteering, group therapy, whatever. It doesn't matter what it is, but you have to do something.
I do think you're cut out for life. I bet other people in your life do too. Don't say things like that.
72 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-25 05:36
Sorry I was a little aggressive, I don't like re reading my own posts so i'm just assuming I was being aggressive.
And don't worry about me killing myself just yet, I probably wouldn't really do it until my 40s if I do, and i'm not even halfway there yet, I don't drink yet either because i'm not 21 and don't wanna go through the hassle of trying to get it illegally, i'm just assuming i'll drink a lot in a few years.
Also sorry for putting out so much negativity, i'm not usually this negative, I try to remain positive in life but sometimes I just get dragged down a hellspiral when i'm writing let all my
negative emotions run wild, that's no good, sorry.
Staying in shape has probably helped me quite a bit, I started doing that when I was about 14, admittedly I was probably a softcore anorexic at first but now I eat a healthy amount of healthy food, I go to the gym lots too, but i'm gonna stop now and start doing bodyweight stuff instead, cause too much hypertrophy is grossing me out plus I hate squatting in the squat rack, shrimp squats are way more fun, to me at least. Also I have a punching bag, but I haven't used it for awhile because my family just got a new puppy and I don't wanna stress him out and scare him by hitting it and making loud noises while he's still little.
I don't talk to anyone about my brain problems except occasionally ranting on imageboards or textboards. I tried to talk about my general depression with my parents a few times, with the goal to eventually shift the conversation towards my GD, but I ended up feeling grossed out with myself for being a tranny and also I felt like I was just looking for sympathy or attention so I withdrew and haven't tried to talk about it since. If I told my parents about the gender dysphoria I assume they would probably support me transitioning at best or start pressuring me to transition at worst, which is pretty funny actually, in a previous generation that fear would have been flipped around, I really do hate that culture you described, supporting lgbt stuff for fashion, I mean. I don't have any friends, except for my younger sister and my cousin, my cousin is states away though so I only see him once in awhle, and my younger sister is in a gifted sleepaway highschool, so I don't see her much during the school year, but she's home all day now so I do hang out with her and do some fun stuff like go to arcades with her, so I guess I can interact with those four people in person, my sister, my cousin, and my parents, and coworkers enough to get jobs done and waiters enough to order food and stuff.
73 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-25 05:37
I do have a lot of trouble talking to people, and it's not just regulaur social anxiety where people have trouble finding many friends but still have some, I just don't have any except for my sister and cousin, I tried really hard throughout highschool to find even one friend, I joined a lot of clubs even though I had such low self esteem and had bad anxiety, but every time I tried to talk to people it was like I buckled or something, it was like trying to lift a truck or something, I don't know how to make a good metaphor for it. There was this one girl I had a bit of a crush on, she reminded me of Yunocchi from Hidamari Sketch, I saw her so many times even though we only shared one class in freshman year, she made me believe that the real world could be okay a little when I was in the depths of escapism hell, it's so stupid I never even really taked to her I bet I just built her up in my mind, she's probably really way more ordinary than I imagined her to be, I saw her so many times it was like fate or God felt bad for me and wanted me to just try to talk to her or maybe they knew I wouldn't and were just mocking me, even a few weeks ago I went down to the highschool I was with her in, I graduated a month or two ago now, I went down to the highschool again to deliver some stuff my family had borrowed and I saw her just sitting there, only other person there, I didn't even fight the stuff in my brain that told me not to try, I just let it happen, that's what I deserve I guess I guessed. It's even worse, because I just watched one of the OVAs for Hidamari Sketch, in it a boy gives one of the characters a love letter, and Yunocchi sort of fantasies that someone gave her one, it's like fate kicking me in the balls and calling me fool, and I deserve it.
As for trying new stuff and moving forward with life, I've been trying to get good at drawing and composing music for the past few years, i'm still pretty bad but I've drawn and written a few things I sort of like. And i'm gonna try to join the air force soon, to help pay for college so I can study some computer science related stuff, and hopefully get a decent job, because loading 50lb bags onto a truck in the dog days of summer is not fun, which I learned the hard way from a temp job I had a few weeks ago.
And finally just to get it off my chest I wanna say that I think a lot of my gender dysphoria is bullshit really, I think I just hate that i'm a man, and I sort of hate masculinity, probably because I didn't have any strong, morally good masculine figures growing up, and equally or more importantly I also grew up around lolicon and had it shoved in my face everyday, at the time I thought it was okay, y'know, I was a kid too, that it was just fantasy, Jesus, the memories of all that dumb stuff won't go away, that's probably why i'm so disgusted with myself and the world it makes me naseuos whenever I think about it.
You don't kill yourself either, you seem nice and sometimes I only remember everything bad and want the world to freeze over but I forget that there's good things too that's what makes me naseous is people who trample on the innocent or the suffering and then I see it a little bit and my sight becomes infected and I see it places where it isn't but sometimes I see people who alleviate it and I don't worry so much about the meaning of life anymore or if my life is pointless or if God is real or not or if having the ability to make friends would fill the hole I feel in my chest or not.
That wasn't a poem even though it sort of reads like one it just happened to rhyme a little.
74 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-25 09:30
I'm going to try and keep this part-time job working at a gas station. I've got a terrible track record with work all my life and I just hope I won't lose it this time.
75 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-25 11:27
How did you get started on watercoloring? Do you recommend any book or video for beginners? I got interested in it awhile ago.
76 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-30 07:59
its already almost fall here.
77 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-30 16:31
What are your fall plans?
I plan one going back to school after a gap year and another year wageslaving. Oh, and play a bunch of games I have in my backlog and rewatch some old favorite anime of mine.
78 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-30 17:51
I'm going to do some uni too! Probably take Groups and Organizations of Natives of my state. I will also play a bunch of ps2 games.
79 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-30 21:13
I'm gonna change my job this fall. Working in service is not comfy in the slightest.
And also I need to celebrate some anniversaries. Lain turns 20 this year, Holo turns 10, Kino is 15. The reboot is garbage.
And I wanna replay Chrono Trigger.
80 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-03 04:54
Ah yes, I love returning to some old favorites. After a long day you can just relax, grab a drink, and relive those memories.
81 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-06 17:03
I've been doing that a ton lately with emulators. Replaying GBC games from my childhood on a big screen is peak comfy.
82 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-08 17:22
Polish off my cv and resume, finally quit my job working customer servie at a grocery store, and hopefully find a decent drafting job.
I also want to work on some of Tomoko Fuse's larger polyhedrons.
Replay Freespace 2 and maybe a couple mods.
83 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-09 17:16
Engineering drafting? That'd be really cool, definitely one of those jobs that still has a definite image of "white collar".
84 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-09 17:44
Get a new job before leaving your old. Being employed makes you more employable, even if its completely irrelevant.
85 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-12 00:05
Kind of. My specialy is in steel detailing. I would get structural drawings from an engineer and from them I would create drawings of steel beams, columns and other miscellaneous steel pieces for the fabricator.>>84
I'll keep that in mind. Thanks