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Coming Change
5 replies
24 days old
last post: Apr 3, 2016
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Coming Change

1 Name: Anonymous : 2016-03-26 07:04
For awhile I have felt that I am on the precipice of this great change and epiphany within me. It is a mixture of both dread and expectation such as seeing storm clouds in the distance. There is no rain yet you hear the distant thunder and you feel the wind in your hair. It is coming but at the same time it is not a bad thing which is what confused me so.

I've thought about it for awhile and mulled over it for many nights and I think I have finally figured it what it is. Quite simply, I have begun to accept that I am the average. I am not headed for greatness or that destiny has something in store for me or that my time is yet to come but rather I am just another human whose additions will be miniscule at best. Eventually, I will fall into the background and live out the rest of my days in normalacy and the mundane.

Part of me denies it but I think as time passes it will fight less. I expect it will be gone eventually and that I will succumb to total acceptance. I wonder if this is the so called imagination, childhood and innocence whose loss is always lamented in literature. I wonder what was the catalyst for change.

I will admit one thing, the weight of expectation lifting from my shoulders feels good.
2 Name: Anonymous : 2016-03-28 05:31
Here's an idea for you, the mediocre of the world. Do you have a talent? Any talent at all, writing, music, art, or even no talent at all? Do you have a hobby, boating, sewing, any of the like? If you do, that's at least one thing that you have that's special. But I have two options you can take if you wish to do something, neither will make much of a difference in the world. But that's not what really matters, is it?

One, spend your time making secrets for others to discover. A puzzle for the curious to solve. Grafitti on the street to question. A shrine to Minerva in some abandoned locale. Things for others to discover in the future and marvel at the fact someone created what lies before them.

Or run away. Become a hermit and put your soul into a life's work, a series of life's works, whatever your heart desires. Someday, someone might find your work and call it good. Retrieve it from wherever you stashed it and return it to society.

You could do both, nothing, whatever your heart desires. None of these are very practical, but then again, neither is complete normalacy, is it? Just something small to liven up your life.
3 Name: Anonymous : 2016-03-29 07:40
For a long time I have fought normalcy. Being tested as a high IQ haver, I reveled in it when I first found out. I took another test, because I had always believed I was someone lesser than average. Again it came out similar. I've learned to play instruments in school, I've written books and practiced poetry for most of my adult life, I like to train animals and I've got a good sense of humor.

I make a good amount of money and I'm mostly content with returning to my home each day and sitting on the computer with a beer and a cigarette. Whenever I do that I end up feeling like I'm on vacation at the beach. It doesn't take much to make me happy--I realize I am satisfied with simple things, to the point of not desiring prominence, notoriety for things I've done, or even other people honestly.

Though I'm somewhat of a melancholic person, someone preferring to practicing my chosen interests to the goal of eventual mastery and orienting myself to the opposite direction of people, I'll admit I'm largely someone who's social at heart, who's soul has been grinded away and will never return to it's full vigor. I guess that's part of the reason of why I was attracted to writing stories and chatting online from such a premature age. I feel it's both a fortunate and an unfortunate thing that I'm able to carry on like this, but I'm happy and content with my life, even if I'm a balding programmer with not much prospect or social life outside of my pet dog and annual poetry publications

It's good that your shoulders are feeling some relief though. If anything, some day you'll be able to sit on the beach with a corona in your hand and smile naturally as you take in the rays of the sun, and even perhaps open up to a point that takes you a level of breathing room where you can do something worth-while without all of that weight there in the first place
4 Name: Anonymous : 2016-04-03 06:52
>>3
You've actually written books? Well shit, that's more than I've done. I have such a hard time putting fingers to keyboard for any sustained time.
5 Name: Anonymous : 2016-04-20 06:33
>>3
Your words are too kind. I guess it takes a certain perspective to be content with life. It probably goes against the survival of our species but if everyone would relax and take it easy so many problems could be avoided.

Your thoughts on simplicity mirror my own. Much as I tried materialism left me hollow inside and more and more I find that it's the free things that bring me the most joy. Or at least the inexpensive ones.

For now I'll just try to coast, I no longer want to fight anymore. I just want the days to slip by and for the pressure of the world to go away.

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