/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
What Worries You?
42 replies
80 days old
last post: May 12, 2018
Return

What Worries You?

1 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-21 04:23
What worries you most about life? Share it here. Nobody ever goes on this site so nobody will know. Be as vague or specific as you would like.

I am worried right now that my lack of self-esteem will ultimately get the best of me. That even though I have "faked" my way to acting normal that everybody knows me for what I believe myself to be. A Failure. A Loser. Because of this all the little things get to me. Every mistake amplified. I am getting help, but I sometimes wonder if there is anything worth helping.
2 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-21 14:27
What kind of help are you getting? I have been talking to a counselor recently and, whilst fun, it doesn't actually seem to do anything beneficial. I feel just as bad now as I did when I kept it to myself/the internet
3 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-21 17:05
I'm afraid of giving up on everything new I try. I'm afraid I might end up a "jack of all trades, master of none" until I die.
4 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-21 21:17
>>2
I am recieving counseling. I will see how it goes, I don't know what to do if it wont help. I feel like I am closer to normal some days, but then I just get other days that leave me feeling like their is no hope. I feel like it is easy for me to deal with major problems and I am able to work on those problems. But then all of the little mistakes I make eat away at me.
5 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-22 07:45
My grandma dying.
6 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-23 20:50
I'm afraid of my mom dying or me dying and scarring my mom. Also afraid of never being employed and losing my friends and going full hikki.
>>4
From my experience with counseling the only advice I can give you is if you don't like the counselor find a new one and don't just give it up entirely. I've had both ends of a really understanding guy who helped a lot and someone else who was really opinionated and didn't help at all.
7 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-23 22:37
Not knowing if i like and want to be in a relationship with another person. This one has being on me for a lot of time.
More specifically this time if i want to be with a specific person who i don't know what feelings are shared for me after not comunicating for a few months.
8 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-23 23:01
>>6
The Counselor I am seeing now is really good about giving me a space where I can feel comfortable to talk. They also don't judge me, which is nice. I should be going back soon, so I hope that the sessions will help.

>>7
Tell me more. Is this person a close friend? Aquaintance? What drove you apart?
9 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-25 10:02
>>8
Between friend and acquaintance, we like to talk and stuff when we see each other. We never separated or anything, just vacation but we had this sorta date a few days before it, that's why i'm unsure of what's going on on that person's head.
10 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-25 12:09
Due to a mix of indecisiveness, anxiety and health problems I'm three years behind in uni education, starting 2nd semester when my high school friends are doing 8th and/or working. It's not like i feel pressure or shame about that, but i keep wondering whether i should do some extra work to catch up and become independent faster.
11 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-26 01:22
What worries me, perhaps not the most, but a lot, is this: I have no idea what I want to do with myself career-wise. I think about why I'm in college right now, and I come up with the following deductions:
I am in college because I want to get a degree.
I want to get a degree because I want to get a well-paying job.
I want to get a well-paying job because I want to live a comfortable life.
I want to live a comfortable life because I dread living in poverty.
I dread living in poverty because I don't want to starve, or to be killed by a criminal.

In other words, the only reason I am in college right now is to sustain my life. I read an essay by Moritz Schlick, who vividly argued that the point of life is to enjoy the content of existence. But when the content of your existence is merely the means to the sustaining of your existence, it is vacuous. Thus you ought to do things for their own sake. But I cannot honestly say that I am studying what I am studying for its own sake. I just don't enjoy it, not even in the broadest sense of the word "enjoy" which might include the joy that comes from contributing to society.

So all I know is that I want to limit as much as possible the things I do simply for the sake of survival. If I could do something that I actually enjoy in-and-of-itself and happen to get paid for it, that would be ideal. But I don't think I could convince anyone to pay me to do the sorts of things I enjoy.
12 Name: Anonymous : 2018-02-26 13:39
Realizing that every single time you actually had to choose a path in your life (education mostly) you blew it so hard it now makes impossible to find a job.

Also not being able to enjoy things you like like drawing or writing because you thing everything you produce is utter crap and there's always someone better than you.
13 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-01 04:17
I fake being an extrovert. Many people see me as a good person because of my achievements, maybe even a successful person, but inside I am corroding myself away with insecurity and useless addiction.

It's especially hard when most everyone above me views me as a competent leader and has high hopes for me and my future (this feeling, however, is not shared by my peers, who don't seem to care for me.)

On the inside I know I'm not competent, and I'm not this leader everyone thinks I am. I'm afraid my inadequacy has slowly been revealing itself to those around me, and I'm afraid some have already lost hope in me.

I've been living a duality, and as a result, I've begun to implode in on myself. I've started to push away the people in my life, and recently I've just wanted to be alone.

My work is piling up, my addictions are growing stronger, and I've never felt more lonely.
14 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-02 22:40
AI. It's gonna take jobs, then take information, then take our lives.
15 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-06 23:16
I realize that I can only feasibly achieve at most half of my goals in life.
16 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-12 18:30
I find it frightening how intertwined everyone is to the domineering Internet.
You can only begin to wonder what facets of living have been stifled in its presence.
I can only begin to wonder when I will leave its choke.
17 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-12 22:52
I'm scared of failing.
I've dropped out of college twice now after starting well the first time around, and currently every job I've applied for either ignored me or rejected me.

I'm transitioning to being seen as a woman by others and I'm scared I'm never doing enough or that I won't make it and I'll just be a chemically castrated weird for the rest of my life.
18 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-13 20:31
>>12

I'd still like to see what you've made.

>>13

I think you can overcome it if you'd like. I wonder if you think anyone has unshakable belief in you. I think that's all you really need.
19 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-13 20:35
>>14
It's mildly exciting in a way, if you have a death wish.

>>15
What are you working on?

>>17
What do you hope your future to be then?
20 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-14 00:04
>>19
What do you hope your future to be then?
having a degree of some kind, living comfortably in a small apartment with a decently paying job, and being seen as a sort of female by family, friends, and possibly coworkers. (though I feel bad and awkward about forcing anyone to call me anything and would love for it to come naturally)
That's what I hope my future will be like.
21 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-14 03:21
>>20
Why do you not see yourself as a man?
22 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-14 15:00
>>21
I do not know.
For some reason, being called a man and having a penis makes me feel sad. I feel intense jealousy whenever I see females and I want to be one of them.
I think it's a mental disorder or something, but it's very real to me.
Whenever my girlfriend or a family member calls me by my preferred (female) name or addresses me with 'she', I feel extremely happy and reaffirmed. Wearing make up and looking in the mirror, almost seeing a woman looking back, makes me feel the same kind of happiness.

It's weird.
23 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-14 15:19
I'm worried about my lack of self control. And I'm stressed by all my deadlines. But I get depressed when I'm idle, so maybe being busy is better. Hopefully I can find a healthy balance.
24 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-14 21:26
>>22
Could you explore this feeling of sadness a bit more? Being a man is difficult yet liberating. I don't see what there is to envy in being a woman. I find the life of a woman very delicate and sad. Helpless, almost. Stuck. Also, I think men are more beautiful.

>>23
The healthy balance probably comes from a schedule. I have yet to make one myself. But if you want control, a schedule is the place to begin. After a certain point, you have to give yourself a break. Just give yourself a proper one. That is what I've found. Do you have a plan?
25 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-14 23:39
>>24

It probably seems a bit anticlimactic, but the sadness almost seems irrational in itself.
I'll try clearing up the feelings with a metaphor: Have you ever worn an outfit or had a haircut or had excess weight, looked at yourself, and thought "This looks wrong. This isn't me"? That's sort of what I get when I look at my body in the mirror. When I look down at my naked body and focus on my penis, it's like it's not supposed to be there. Like it's a mistake.
I'm used to being addressed as a male, but it somehow feels particularly more 'correct' when someone addresses me as female.
And I'm not simply doing this because women have more clothing options, I'm purely focusing on the social aspect of others viewing me as female.

Through medication I'm currently suppressing testosterone production in my body and replacing it with estrogen, and that has caused my muscles to decrease in strength. I do feel weaker, more fragile. It does somewhat scare me to be in this vulnerable position - and maybe it's the mental disorder aspect - but I feel like it's worth it.
Let it be very clear though that is not some perverted fantasy of mine to be a weak girl. I do exercises to retain my muscles since I do not want to be frail.

All this being said, I have no idea what the life of a normal woman is like. I am not socialized like that nor did I experience growing up like that. I could be romanticizing my future too much, but for some reason I still prefer being a weird freak of nature to being a regular man. Admittedly, I sometimes doubt myself and ask myself what I'm really doing to myself, but all of my other feelings (both good and sad) reaffirm for myself that this is the life I want in the end.

Men do have a certain beauty to them, I agree.
Personally though, I have always found feminine men the most attractive.
26 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-15 02:02
>>25
I get that feeling all the time. Need more exercise to get to a point where I'm satisfied.

I think you should be more informed on the sorrows women experience before you romanticize it too much. If you are too far in your suppression of testosterone then there is no use creating more doubt. I hope it works out for you. If I were ever to transition, I would make sure to fully take in the repercussions. Again, I do not want to create unnecessary doubt if all is done already, but if there is still a gap of time for you to understand that normal life of a woman, I think it would be very eye-opening. It may reaffirm your choice in the end as well. No use having a foggy future, even if you think the life of a woman and the life you will have will never intersect. It will at least illuminate some aspects of a different body/hormonal make up.
27 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-15 04:53
>>24
I got into the habit of not making plans because I didn't want to end up failing them and being disappointed. Not sure if it's helped much.
28 Name: Anonymous : 2018-03-15 07:49
>>27
Well, you would be a lot more satisfied with the conclusion of plans than this fugue state. We can plan something together if you'd like.
29 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-09 03:54
I'm worried that peaceful industrial society may be reaching its breaking point--that we could be looking at either collapse or dystopia in the near future. I'm legitimately a little scared for the future.
30 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-22 05:08
This site going 404.
31 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-22 08:24
>>30
Yeah, I freak out every time it goes down. So far, it always comes back.
32 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-23 21:38
I'm afraid of becoming a NEET. At the moment I'm a student, and lately it feels like my ability to concentrate and motivate myself has diminished significantly compared to when I first started this year. I experienced the same thing last year, and I figured I would simply recuperate over the break, but when my classes started I feel like the break barely made any difference. I think I'm going to make it through this year, but next year I'm seriously worried that I'll burn out for good.
33 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-24 02:56
>>32
Ha. You feel for the school meme.
Oh well. Don't worry. Lots of millennials have un-dischargeable debt they owe to the Fed. You are not alone.

Too bad you didn't do, like, anything else.
Remember that dropping out isn't always the worst thing you could do. You might find something that you've always had a passion for and wamjam a way to make an honest living off of that.

You know. If the public schooling you received didn't beat the wonder and imagination out of you.

Pro Tip: Enter civilian contracting with the military in any work or any field. Almost all the benefits of public sector work with some of the private sector benefits too.
34 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-24 05:28
my sweet gay ass
35 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-26 09:24
>>33
Could you explain what the school meme is?
36 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-26 19:42
Getting old. these past fast few days i've been looking back these past 20 years, damn have they flown by. Music sort of still feels the same but there's been an obvious decline since 2007. TV had a giant decline, there hasn't been a really great show in over 5 years (well at most ive seen). Also, aging in general, looking at people around me getting older is really terrifying because it makes me realize we don't have much time and not that much happens in a good 80-100 years
37 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-27 08:44
>>36
Strongly recommend you to read "On the shortness of life" by Seneca. It's about an hour to hour and the half read, and this could very possibly be the best investment of hour and half worth of time in your life.
"Walden" by Thoreau is also recommended.
38 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-27 14:49
>>11
Never forget the man who raised $55k to make a potato salad on kickstarter. If presented right, you can get people to pay you for anything.
39 Name: Anonymous : 2018-04-28 20:18
>>35
It's simple. The boomers went to college because Their folks went to college on the greatest GI bill to ever exist. It worked for both of them so they told their kids and now you got to hear the same story. But only a part of it. In post war America only servicemen and serious studious types went to university. Basically whites. Males mostly.

Over the decades due to social pressures from the hippy dippy crowd in the States you get a market looking for a way to discern between qualified workers and the rest while not being able to use simple IQ tests to get a quick gauge on the matter. So the next best thing corps and local business could do was require a two year degree instead (the fed couldn't define that as racial discrimination). Then once you get past Gen X you've got all sorts of silly programs and quotas to get any minority into a university while simultaneously tying to get as many Americans into them for them sweet profits.

Both cheapen and devalue the two year degrees. Too many people had them and a good number of those holders were still not able to preform. The solution? Four year degrees would now serve many an industry standard moving forward. Too expensive? Ask the fed for a loan. This is where we are now and have been for a while. The next bit is going to get worse.

With ever increasing calls on the fed to assist in payment or outright forgive a majority if not all college debts there can only be one outcome. Take a guess. It's similar to hyperinflation expect the paper in question isn't bills. It's diplomas.

The meme is simply that accreditation will always hold value and is a safe investment no matter what. Which isn't the case by a long shot.
40 Name: Anonymous : 2018-05-12 02:15
My main worry right now is that I will blow by another 5 years without much to show for it. It's why I was so obsessed with hobbies for a few years. I wanted to find my niche that I could spend my time on.and cultivate so that I could have something outside of work and school that I could say with legitimacy that I did of my own volition, my own direction, and my own desire.
41 Name: Anonymous : 2018-05-12 08:37
>>40
I think the best thing is to do what makes you happy and try to take care of yourself. Don't worry about being "successful" or "legitimate."
What does anybody really have to show for five years of life?
42 Name: Anonymous : 2018-05-12 18:25
>>41
It's not about having something to show to others, it's about having something to show for yourself. Time is the most valuable resource any of us has, and nobody likes the feeling that they are wasting their time away.

Return

Name:
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /