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What Worries You?
106 replies
232 days old
last post: Oct 6, 2018
Pages: 1-100 101-
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What Worries You?

57 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-09 01:13
>>56
Reading your post makes me feel hopeful. I am currently struggling with similar issues, namely isolation and drug abuse. That you were able to make a complete change in lifestyle is very impressive and I think it bodes well for your future, if I were a betting man I'd bet on your success. You should be very proud of yourself. It's unfortunate that your family is like that, I think you deserve better. Best of luck to you anonymous.
58 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-09 02:16
>>57
Do your friends/coworkers/family members use drugs? That can make it harder to get clean. I actually cut off contact with people in order to get sober.
59 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-10 15:38
>>51
I hope it doesn't. I just found this place the other day and I really dig it. It feels comfy, and way more chill than other places.
60 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-10 20:49
>>59
Comfy, but there aren't very many posts here. It'd be cool if it was more active.
61 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-11 15:15
I agree.
62 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-11 17:09
>>60
I check this place twice a week, for that post office aesthetic. And whether slow or fast, it's quite alright with me.
63 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-15 02:38
What worries me is that I'll never find a tribe to fit into.

I'm lonely.
64 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-15 15:36
>>63

I was in that same boat. I started going to larp groups and just hanging out there. somehow being in a group of people who are seemed as outcasts helps build a better sense of community. Finding those groups however, might be a burden, but just go on facebook or just google some and you'll find one eventually.

(sorry if this is kinda shit advice)
65 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-15 19:56
>>63
it also sucks to be in a group that you know you don't fit in with, but you're a part of it anyway because you don't have any other group to be a part of

but you secretly despise them

that's my predicament
66 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-17 22:50
My panic attacks mimics stroke symptons. So my biggest fear is having a stroke and become a prisoner of my own body, not actually dying, but losing what I value the most: my mind, or, the ability of expressing it.
I'm a developer so my brain and my hands are pretty much my livelihood, which is corny.

I used to mess around with cocaine during my weekend drinking binges, which I stopped when it fucked my anxiety up too. Never do stimulants, people.
67 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-18 18:38
I always thought something about me was amiss but getting a clinical veredict about it added a totally new layer of worry to it, I live in a quite unsafe area as of now but getting a medical record that says that I am a mentally broken individual will mean that the hazards become even more dangerous, I could literally be killed and people will simply shrug it off as a something that happens to crazies.
68 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-19 07:48
>>67
people will simply shrug it off as a something that happens to crazies
How would they know? Are you going around parading your health issues?
69 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-19 22:05
>>68

I live with relatives that don't know about the concept of private affairs, they love to talk about everything.
70 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-20 00:28
>>69
move out then
71 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-20 03:38
>>70
Riggity riggity rekt.
72 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-24 05:56
honestly, after starting medication for anxiety, I generally have few worries. I think the biggest one for me though is that I'll spend the remainder of my life in this small city, not doing anything of value or worth. but overall I'm thinking that it's more important to do what makes me happy.
73 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-24 11:56
>>72
how small is your "small city"?
74 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-24 15:22
>>73
small enough that I can bike across the entirety of the metro area in about 25mins. it's a kind of insular place, a bit removed.
75 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-24 21:30
>>74
No, I mean population-wise.
76 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-30 21:21
I have serious anger-management problems and I worry that I'll seriously injure someone I really care about in a fit of rage.
77 Name: Anonymous : 2018-07-31 00:06
>>76
Do you lift weights? I find lifting to be a great way to relieve stress.
78 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-15 01:49
When I was a kid, I had a friend named ‘G’. ‘G’ was the first person I met when I moved to the new city, and that was comforting because I came into school at 5th grade, when it felt like all of my classmates already knew each other. ‘G’ and I lived across the street, so we hung out a lot. I was an outcast as a kid and bullied a lot, but ‘G’ and I were best friends.

When I think back to the kind of kid I was, I’m not surprised I didn’t have many friends. I was definitely strange. Nonetheless, the few I had were precious to me. ‘G’’s parents had a troubled relationship. I don’t actually know the details, but I know that his mom was not a very good person. They became separated. Years later I would start to understand how that changed him, but when I was a kid all I saw was that one day ‘G’ didn’t want to talk to me any more… Even when I tried to talk to him, with as much emotional intelligence as a 9th grader could have, he would simply ignore me. Even our mutual friends comforted me and let me know that there was no way ‘G’ didn’t want to be friends with me, because we were so close. That was a week past the last time he and I ever talked as anything more than people who had known each other a long time ago.

As a kid, it was frustrating and confusing. It broke my heart to know I had lost someone I had been friends with for years in what felt like a flash. There was no straw that broke the camel’s back, it just happened. I remember he and I got into a fight after the transition had begun, I don’t know where the aggression had come from. Sometimes I wonder if it was him being unable to cope with the separation of his parents, but a large part of me has always felt that it was me. That somehow there was some fault with who I am as a person that lost me my best friend.

I’ve had other incredible friendships, ‘T’ being an instance of a friend who I did keep since 5th grade, and who I still regularly talk to… But sometimes I try to find ‘G’ somewhere out there and there is never anything to be found. He’s gone to Washington last time I had asked his dad, and he’s not on any social media.
79 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-15 01:50
>>78
‘S’ is a friend I have had since 9th grade. When I look back at our friendship, it’s weird and I feel like I lack some sort of perspective. She has called me her best friend, told me I’ve saved her life, but now it feels like she is a complete stranger. It feels like ‘G’.

For some backstory, I have been friends with ‘S’ through so many tribulations in her life. Times where she’s faced eating disorders, times where she’s been with partners who were cruel to her, and times where she has been depressed. I’ve always helped her through those times because when she was young, she would always take my advice and it made me feel good. It felt good to help people, and through my life ever since I was a teenager I’ve loved to help people. There are some people who you want to help, who you will see in pain, but who will not take a person’s advice and not look at their life from a rational perspective. As a friend of one of these people, it’s difficult to watch and sometimes the choice needs to be made whether or not to stick by them and observe, or to simply abandon them.

Observing someone in pain isn’t easy, but it’s also not necessarily painful to the observer either. If you feel that a person is not in any imminent danger, and that they will pull through, sometimes you know you have to be there in the aftermath to help pick them up. Sometimes it’s harder than that though, and sometimes you end up being hurt because every time you want to put your hope and faith into them and expect them to change, you see them fall back down again. Sometimes people can’t accept help being picked up. These are the moments when it is difficult to observe someone you care about in pain or trouble. Enough of these moments can cause a person to question whether or not it’s a lost cause. This is the situation that I am in.

A year last year, ‘S’ visited my state for the first time. It was an incredible visit and we had a blast. Afterwards, we reminisced on our friendship of 9 years at the time, and planned for a next visit. We talked almost daily. Shortly after, we stopped talking regularly. This wasn’t odd, because ‘S’ and I haven’t always talked regularly. The comfort was knowing that when she needed help, I was there for her, and though I didn’t often ask for help, I felt I could count on her.
80 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-15 01:50
>>79
That November, I went to a wedding of a friend, and at some point ‘S’ and I were talking. She had mentioned that she had just started dating another guy after breaking up with Andre (again). I was inebriated, so I had no restraint in telling her that it was a bad idea to rebound so quickly after a 3 year relationship. She said something to the effect of “are you jealous,” which made me very angry. It felt like she thought it was a game. I was there for her after every breakup, I was trying to help her find stability, but she just wanted to flirt.
Shortly into the next calendar year, I observed that ‘S’ was slipping into what I can only assume was an alcoholism-related spiral. At this moment, it’s hard to remember exactly what made me suspicious, but it was later confirmed by her. I was of course very hurt to hear that someone I cared about was suffering from something that I have personally observed tear through my father’s side of my family. She had told me that she planned on working on it, and that it was over. She felt like she had made an ass of herself and apologized. I was sad, but hopeful that she would pull through.
The next time I worried that ‘S’ was in trouble came at an inconvenient time, though it feels selfish to call it inconvenient even when I know the circumstances. I had just been dumped by my girlfriend of 3 years, and needed someone to talk to. ‘S’ had known me and my girlfriend, and though I have many friends who I spend time with, ‘S’ was the only person I felt comfortable bearing my soul to. During the days leading up to it, she was somewhat responsive. In the aftermath, she was almost unreachable. I kept waiting for a response. I was so miserable, and I needed to talk to someone, but as I kept looking through all of my contacts, ‘S’’s name was the only one I saw who I felt I could really talk to. Other friends were either too close to the situation, or people I didn’t really share my feelings with. I needed someone I considered a true friend.

Eventually I gave up on hearing anything substantial from ‘S’. I’d message her sometime in the morning, and she would message me the next day at 4 AM after I’d gone to sleep, and that would be a daily routine. It seemed like I was a nuisance. Eventually I opened myself up to my other friends, and luckily I was accepted with warmth and genuine concern. Sometime later ‘S’ and I had a somewhat substantial conversation, but I don’t credit her with helping me through the breakup. Somehow, it feels like it made it worse.

During the whole incident, ‘S’ opened up to me and said that she had gone back to drinking recklessly again. She told me that she felt guilty about telling me when she is in these situations, because I worry. It worries me more now when I think that she just never tells me anything. She told me she realized her mistake, and that she was going to stop drinking for a while (a week). I think it should have been much longer. She went her week (I assume), and then went back into the drinking. She hasn’t told me personally that she’s drinking often again, but I often see her post images of her drinking out with friends. I can’t stop her from making these choices, and clearly she doesn’t want me to bug her about it.
81 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-15 01:51
>>80
I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I can’t help her with her problems, but I also feel sad because I realize I’m losing my friend and I don’t know what to do. Maybe she doesn’t have a problem. Maybe she just doesn’t want to talk to me and has made new friends. Maybe I’m annoying to her now. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case, considering there are many people who dislike me. Maybe she just doesn’t consider me that good of a friend to her any more. I don’t know, and that’s what hurts.

Every time I try to reach out to ‘S’, she seems so fucking hard to contact. It’s the same fucking bullshit over and over again. She never responds, even though she gets online. She fucking ends her messages with shit like “love,” “babe,” and “dear,” as if she’s fucking cute. It’s not cute. She’s being a shitty fucking friend and then trying to act cute and innocent.
When I visited my friend ‘L’ at his new city i, I got drunk and somehow by some fucking miracle she actually wanted to talk. She said she wanted to have a “skype date,” which I had wanted as well. I wanted to catch up with my friend and actually have a conversation. I wanted to actually hear what was happening in her life and try to figure out why she’s been so cold and distant lately. 3 times I tried to arrange it, and 3 times she cancelled.

Tonight was the last time, and it didn’t even shock me. She bailed on me, and I simply said, “sucks.” I’m not fucking surprised that she did it. It was difficult enough to get her to give me a time. The icing on the cake was when I checked snapchat and saw that just an hour before she was out drinking again. If her drinking is more important than our friendship, then she can go get fucked. I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with the loss of a friend. The feeling of guilt and confusion of losing someone I care about for reasons beyond my understanding. The depression of thinking that I’m the reason, that somehow I could have done something differently and still had that friendship. The lifetime of doubt and regret of knowing that I lost someone important to me.

Thoughts of ‘G’ plagued my adolescence, it was a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes I would dream that we were still friends, and that somehow we would make amends. He left without an explanation, I’m not going to sit around and just let this “friendship,” die in a whimper while ‘S’ fucks her life up. It may as well just be over. I don’t know if I even want to go to Toronto. I don’t know if I want to see her.

Part of me wants to give her a chance, maybe she’s in trouble or pain. Maybe she’s too ashamed to come to me with her problems. Maybe I was too judgmental of her in the past. Or maybe she’s just a shitty friend.
82 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-17 22:28
I'm quite worried about starting college in a place where I know literally nobody. I'm almost ready but still feeling very anxious. I'm excited as well for the freedom and the environment where the school is, but the idea of starting all the way over in making friends is daunting

I hope I dont end up becoming a hermit
83 Name: z : 2018-08-17 22:29
I'm quite worried about starting college in a place where I know literally nobody. I'm almost ready but still feeling very anxious. I'm excited as well for the freedom and the environment where the school is, but the idea of starting all the way over in making friends is daunting

I hope I dont end up becoming a hermit
84 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-18 20:01
>>82
I understand this worry, and when I started college I had to make a choice like that. I ended up going to a college where I did know people, and honestly none of those people are my friends now. No matter what, you're going to meet new people, and you may not keep the people you had in your life from high school. Going to school with people you know is a good vehicle to meet new people so you don't feel alone, but you should go to clubs that interest you and campus events to meet friends.

Don't be afraid to just walk up to people and introduce yourself. You may be surprised with the connections you make.
85 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-20 13:57
>>83
>>84
Additionally, through your college years you'll soon realize that most of your endeavors and time ought to be spent by yourself. Emphasis on friendships, societal standing, etc. is indicative of a deficiency within yourself. I mean, friendships in themselves are a bit funny. You try to move them into the other stuff you pile up through the day and yet the day still either passes slowly or too quickly for you to notice what happened. Sure, you get friends, or you don't. Does it really change anything in the quiet hours - the hours that dominate the clock? I find it doesn't answer anything at all. The wrong friends are just a ploy for your time to be deleted.
Then you'll shuffle through the personalities of those you meet, then shuffle through yourself, and then only come to realize that it doesn't fix anything at all unless you're by yourself.
You eventually hope for the time to pass - I guess there's not much commentary to be had.
86 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-20 22:51
>>85
Don't listen to this anon, they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. The friendships you make during college can be extremely fulfilling, especially since you can easily find people who are passionate about the same things that you are. This anon is very jaded for some reason.
87 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-20 23:00
That 4taba will never come back ;_;
88 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-21 07:59
4taba was ded anyway.
89 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-21 13:57
'4taba is kill'
'no'
90 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-23 15:18
4taba seems to 404 fairly often... what could be going on in the server room?
91 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-23 16:38
>>90
sex
92 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-23 22:36
I have really serious issues but no one to talk to about it. I don't think I'm gonna make it.
93 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-24 10:48
You have us to talk to. Don't be shy, all your friends are here.
94 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-28 23:23
>>77
That's one of the reasons why I'm worried about accidentally injuring someone I care about. I took up weightlifting to deal with severe depression and the gains have been quite visible over the last three years.
95 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-30 19:00
I'm going to a counselor today for an evaluation appointment. I found a place that helps people who don't have insurance, so I can actually afford to go. My mental health has been steadily declining lately and I need help before my life completely falls apart. I'm just worried that this place won't actually be able to help.
96 Name: Anonymous : 2018-08-30 22:45
>>95
That seems tough, anon. Hope you get better soon, I'll be cheering for you!
97 Name: Anonymous : 2018-09-05 21:42
I've been faking it until I made it for the last 15 years. And the day is coming that this facade will come crashing down. I just wanted to be something I'll never truly be; to be happy.
98 Name: Anonymous : 2018-09-07 02:27
Deleted facebook because it made me unhappy, but also in a sort of attention-seeking way, hoping maybe some people would text me about it or something. All it's done is made me more depressed because nobody has contacted me at all. So much for facebook "friends." We used to be close and hung out in person and stuff, but then I grew distant from my group of friends. And since then, we've only been online friends, and they ignored me most of the time anyway. I just worry that I won't be able to make new friends. I only have basically one friend who is a real/non-social media friend.
99 Name: Anonymous : 2018-09-07 05:12
>>98
I've never used Faceook, but it's been pretty weird, over the last decade or so, seeing it become the focal point of (apparently) most people's relationships.
I sometimes feel sort of isolated because I don't use social media, but at the same time it seems so superficial.
100 Name: Anonymous : 2018-09-07 14:19
Noise.
I am so angry right now, all i have been feeling these days is stress, nervousness and angriness; towards myself and other for different reasons.
It is so frustating to be the only person around who wants to act, even worse when acting alone hampers the process.
I will act alone and probably fail because of it but doing nothing will just maintain the staus quo, this makes me depressed too.
It is so sad to be agry at yourself for trusting the people you should trust.
It is so hurting that the people you should trust are not worth of the credit deposited in them.
It is so bitter to know that you would have already acted a long time ago but didn't because you are accustomed to being listless around those people.
I wish i could be coherent and be the same person i am at the best of myself; i am not.
All i feel is sadness right now; it started as anger, maybe that is a good thing, maybe. I don't know anymore.
The future will bring me even more of those feelings, the future will be bad for me, how long will it last? I don't know either but at least i will act and will put the end of cyle of trusting those people when i know it will only hurt me.
I don't think the fact that i cannot trust them will ever stop being painful, still i will feel less pain this way.
I feel happy and confused because of that happiness right now.
I believe i can advise you on this: Break the chains, open the door, release yourself from the horse mill if you are locked to it. Be by the way of Plato or Crowley or your own way, it doesn't matter because freedom is the reward.
Have a great day even if you seem unable to.
101 Name: Anonymous : 2018-09-28 15:47
Old age, and the decay that comes with it. Just dying would be simpler.
102 Name: Anonymous : 2018-09-28 15:48
Old age, and the decay that comes with it. Just dying would be simpler.
103 Name: Anonymous : 2018-10-05 20:26
I have health anxiety, currently I worry I am having a stroke or hearth attack quite often. Also I worry that I will be unemployable once I graduate university and I worry that I will be lonely forever.
104 Name: Anonymous : 2018-10-06 17:26
>>103
that's why you look for internships and jobs before you graduate, and also make a website and build up a portfolio

even if you can't find a 9 to 5, do volunteering, like at a soup kitchen, and you can freelance on sites like fiverr, and make some stuff that you can put on your site
105 Name: Anonymous : 2018-10-06 21:59
>>104
I think the main problem is I don't want a 9 to 5 at all and am trying to persue a career where I am my own boss in a creative industry. However if that falls through I wasn't clever enough as a youth to think out a backup plan so who knows what's going to happen.
106 Name: Anonymous : 2018-10-11 19:06
I'm madly in love with my flatmate. I've never wanted to know a person so much as her - I want to know her thoughts, her feelings, everything that goes on in her head. Just being around her makes me so happy. She's been incredibly kind and caring to me, in a way that no one else ever has...I even let her know how I feel. It's not mutual, but I never really expected it to be. I don't even mind.

She's moving abroad. On the one hand, I know that it's what she wants and I'm happy for her, but on the other hand the thought of never seeing her again absolutely kills me. I've never met anyone like her, and I don't want to lose her

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