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Crippling loneliness
32 replies
196 days old
last post: Apr 12, 2020
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Crippling loneliness

1 Name: Anonymous : 2019-10-26 23:57
The loneliness is unbearable I’ve tried looking for friends but everyone always just uses me and leave
2 Name: Anonymous : 2019-10-27 00:42
It is what it is make do with what you have.
3 Name: Anonymous : 2019-10-27 01:16
The socialising non-stop is unbearable. People at work, people at home, everyone wants something from me, and if they don't - they just want to waste my time with nonsense small talk. I've started to sleep deprivate regularly because night is the only several hours of day when I'm left alone. I hate people.
4 Name: Anonymous : 2019-10-28 00:24
I'm almost on the deep end of loneliness. The only friends I have at this point are online, and some of my best friends just decided to leave the internet, so I'm feeling lonelier than ever. At least I'm able to keep myself mostly happy and busy programming. I'm gonna try getting out more, hopefully that'll help.
5 Name: Anonymous : 2019-10-28 11:23
If you want to make friends, I can't give much advice as I don't have any either. Though I too felt really lonely and I've been trying to change my way of life for the past year to get out of isolation.
I've taken up more hobbies, as I find it easier to talk to people when there's a common interest. I've even joined a gym and follow regular group training which is offers many opportunities to practice social interaction, that has taught me a lot but I still have a long way to go but I feel like there's still some hope of change if I put in the effort.
6 Name: Anonymous : 2019-10-28 20:12
Really, you've gotta put yourself out there. If you have the courage, try talking to someone who looks interesting. But if you can't, well don't feel sad, it's normal to fail on that stuff.
7 Name: Anonymous : 2019-10-29 01:56
It is hard to give advice on how to find friends who don't want something from you, but it should be heartening to know that even one friend like that can change your life. You just need to be receptive to those who may want to be around you in scenarios where they know nothing about you. Keep your chin up, I'm sure there are people out there for you.
8 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-01 01:40
Some advice I heard is to join a gym class or some other kind of class/hobby because then you will see the same people each week and it becomes less awkward to try to befriend them.
9 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-18 16:18
Just like others in this thread so far, I too have found myself in complete isolation unable to really connect with other people any longer. Things have only been spiraling out of control and my depression is hitting levels I never thought were possible. I've even got to the point where I'm barely even eating anything. I've dropped almost 20 pounds in under two months, feeling constantly sick, and been going to the doctor just finding out I'm developing more and more health problems over the course of the last two years. I'm at a point where I just feel like giving up completely and that there's no point. I also feel trapped in the small town that I'm from. Never being able to leave due to the lack of jobs, needing transportation, which I've never been able drive, and the lack of any basic skills as my father never was around to teach me anything. I know that it probably sounds like excuses but I have been dealt a very shitty hand at life. I could go on about it for days, months, and even possibly years before getting my entire life story across. But it's a horror felt story being stuck in a place where you've experienced constant misery, loss, and the last remnants of hope sucked out of your soul. I've even tried to take my own life countless times. Everyday that passes I start to slowly regret more and more not taking my own life when I had a loaded handgun pointed at my skull. I broke down freaked out along with the police getting involved. I have no idea what to do, what direction to take, how to find anyone to connect with, to get over anxiety in the real world as well as online, to learn how to properly express myself, and eventually make my grand escape from this hellhole of a town that I've been stuck in my entire life.
10 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-19 08:34
>>9
Are you from Canada?
11 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-19 17:17
I envy you if you think Canada is a bad place.
12 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-19 17:21
>>11
I don't.
13 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-19 17:50
That's good.
14 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-19 20:42
>>9
I'm sure there is no way for me to understand what your life is like and what you have been through, but what I do know is that what I can do is listen and be a friend through here.
15 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-20 16:20
>>14
Thank you, I'm very thankful for places like this. Regardless of not really knowing each other but the fact remains is that regardless of identity we're here for each other in some way. I'm trying my best to hang on and fight the good fight. But it's a hard battle and won't be an easy task at all. Some days are better than others but then I have those days where I feel sick, really sick. Mentally, physically, and in every sense you could possibly imagine. Sometimes I seek out conversations on imageboards/textboards alike, sometimes I pace around in circles talking to myself in my home until I start crying.
16 Name: Paperplane : 2019-11-21 06:50
>>10
I understand that question. I know someone there and he was complaining about the very same things. A 1000 people small town in the middle of nowhere. He can drive vor hours into every direction and not meet a single soul. If he could drive that is. He hasn't got his license yet. Painted a pretty depressing picture if you ask me. But I guess that's North America in general.
17 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-21 22:27
>>15
I'm glad you at least have here to share this.
In addition to imageboards, is there anything else that brings you joy currently or brought you joy in the past?
18 Name: Anonymous : 2019-11-21 22:31
>>15
This is a stupid question, but can't you just catch a bus or something and leave? Or did you mean you need transportation to find a job or as a place to live or something.
19 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-16 05:32
I strongly get the feeling that nobody even has thoughts about me outside of my classes. There are often events that nearly the whole of my peer group has organized and participated in, and I only hear about it after its happened and they want to gloat about it. Recently, the kids at my high school had a "senior ditch day", and I was asked why I wasn't there the day after. I had a realization that the reason I had such little success making connections was simply that I wasn't on social media. It seems like the way that my peers function isn't by thinking about anyone at all, but by announcing their intentions to whoever happened to be around, regardless of identity. My lack of interest in social media is what killed me, in short.
20 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-16 10:46
I'd been isolated for so long that I was completely numb to it, the idea of being lonely didn't even register and I just assumed I was wired differently. Then about a year ago I stumbled into a group of wonderful people online and over time an uncomfortable feeling has started welling up in my chest whenever I'm not with them. Every second of my working day I'm wishing I could chat with them, play games together or just open steam and see their "online" status. Is this what loneliness is? I'm not used to this at all and it's starting to freak me out, I don't want to turn into a stalker or something but I feel so calm when I'm in their presence.

>>19
Social media was only beginning to kick off when I was in school but I felt the same way, people were really friendly with me during class but on the rare occasions anyone invited me somewhere it would always just be me and one or two others at their place, never something like a party or going to the movies. And of course the moment I dropped out for health reasons no one bothered reaching out because I wasn't on whatever social platform they were using. (This was before FB got big, I think bebo was the thing at the time but I'm not completely sure)
21 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-16 16:48
>>20
I'd been isolated for so...
Yeah sounds just about like it. I was in your shoes a few years ago, had a tight group of TF2 buds on a custom server, but then matchmaking happened. There was a period after everyone was gone where I would only play just to chase those memories, or to (attempt to) meet new people and create new ones (which basically cannot happen in matchmaking).
22 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-16 18:15
I still miss my friends from school. We lost eachother because everyone went to study elsewhere, some went abroad for a year and so on. Some also just changed over time, probably as did I.
I found new friends during studying, lost those after graduation and then new ones at work but to none of those I feel as deeply connected as my friends from school.
I feel like I'm always holding back and that I'm not being myself. As if I'm acting around them. But back then I could just be myself, talk about what's on my mind and state my honest opinion.
I think I may be too wierd to find new friends by being 100% myself so I'm holding back. Maybe that's what being an adult and "mature" means but that kinda sucks. I still value my new friends but comparing them to my lost but fulfilling friendships makea me sad. I also feel like everyone my age still has their old friends so I as a newcomer will never get that close to somebody else again while I'm just hoping to find proper friendship again.
23 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-16 23:17
>>1
I'd like to live in a hut somewhere in a forest for the rest of my days, but I'd die quickly 'cause I'm sick. It's very painful that all that stops me from going Chris McCandless is this health issue. I would be fine with suffering a lot or dying in the span of 10 years, but I would last probably a few months at best.
I'm tempted to just stop taking the meds and do it anyway. They say that running away and disappearing is not as traumatic to the family. I just want to run away from everything, computers, people's idle talk, supermarkets, hobbies, families, the news. I want to lay down on the grass without a single thing in my mind.
24 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-17 02:34
I've found happiness through writing letters. That satisfies my loneliness for a bit.
25 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-28 13:17
but WHY are you suffering from being alone?
I mean, what would you get out of company that you are not getting now
company for its own sake does not make sense to me
26 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-29 02:09
There might be something wrong with you, anon. For most people, the most enjoyable parts of life are the social moments. There's a lot of fun to be had with other people, whether its banter or playing games together. Humans are considered a social species for a reason.
27 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-29 15:03
No.
No, no, no.
NO.
28 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-29 16:00
>>26
For most people
Most, but not all.

I feel the same way as anon. I'm not really bothered by being alone and don't feel loneliness. People are a pain and I can't understand why some want to associate with others. Maybe most people need more emotional support or external validation than I do? The way I see it, getting involved with others doesn't have much advantage and just invites a lot of unnecessary and easily avoided problems.
29 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-29 23:36
>>28
The point is that 'why' is a silly question. It doesn't take an intellectual to understand that the person being asked is in the group of most people.
30 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-09 17:12
everyone always just uses me and leave
you can develop interesting fetishes with less than that. you should strive to push the envelope
31 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-12 13:38
I feel old and alienated. No matter where I go it's full of people who ooze this materialistic infantilism I just can't relate to. I thought it was just the subject matter, but people who are into what I like still look at it through that lens. I was talking with an acquaintance recently 'cause Coronavirus made people bored and willing to chat, and I felt like I just talked back out of courtesy. It was like I was playing a tape, they were my opinions sure but I didn't care about what I was saying.
I feel bad for disliking everyone, but I just miss the 90s so much. I used to be more positive, to show my inner self, maybe in a cringey or pretentious way, but I felt like other people were receptive of whatever I was. I just don't believe that anymore. Maybe it's my own self-esteem that plummeted, it probably is. It can't be everyone else. But I've been looking and looking and I just can't find that spark again. I just feel like my time's gone, and I have to step aside and stop trying to fit in.
32 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-10 02:54
>>31
imagine the notion that everyones got their childhood friends, with whom theyve built meaningful lasting relationships

then realize the amount of people who are constructive people versus the grub people, and how everyone you knew growing up was the latter

i got you man, aging is awful when youve wasted your life

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