I have no reason to keep moving. Trying again and again is something you do when you have the opportunity to do so, and when you see a reward at the end of the struggle. I've run out of both. There is no opportunity and no reward. It's all a painful waste of time. What you really mean when you say "find another way" is "downgrade", I don't want to downgrade. I don't want my life to be retail work and consumerist crap to pad the emptiness. I feel angry when I think of how easy it is for other people because they have resources they never mention. I'm tired of believing in saccharine bullshit that only exists to exploit me and drain me, and I'm tired of the truth hidden behind it. I'm tired of being incapable of lying and cheating my way through things. I'm tired of damning myself for being raised with honesty and ethics. And I don't want to be a tool or a slave because of it.