How's everyone doing today?
176 days old
last post: Jul 7, 2020
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How's everyone doing today?
1 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 01:44
Just checking up on you anons, how's it going today?
I'll try posting here everyday if I can (or most), would be cool if you guys did too.
Today was pretty good, made some serious progress on an almost booru-type thing I'm writing, and talked with some friends. How was your day, anon?
2 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 02:29
I want to be positive and have good vibes but it's hard. It's probably the hardest thing.
3 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 13:25
I made a new friend today, she is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.
4 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 13:59
I'm fighting from getting sick. I'm not entirely feeling the best. But it seems like I won't get any worse, hopefully. I'm just sitting here listening to a new band that was introduced to me through conversation online.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D90AOhojK3M
I think I'm going to try to rest most of the day so that way I can build my strength up and not get sick. Might watch some anime or draw something.
5 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 14:43
I've been sewing for 5 hours.
6 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 15:32
That sounds great, it's always awesome to make a new friend.>>5
What're you making?
7 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 15:43
I too have made a new friend recently who just so happens to also be one of the sweetest people I've ever met. We've grown rather close over the past two months or so.
8 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 16:33
I'm applying for a new job, want to get at least 50% salary increase, my current workplace is a dead-end. Just sent cv to 3 companies I'm interested in. I'm not very confident of my skills and I already failed one interview a few months ago, so it's pretty stressful.
9 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 21:47
Good luck, and try to relax
10 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-15 00:40
11 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 16:43
Kinda rough to be honest. It'll be okay though, just gotta get through this little rough spot.
12 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 17:02
What's going on, something getting you down?
13 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 18:57
I thought I could carry someone's burdens for them. I have since learned I can't and now I need to find a way to tell them.
14 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 19:17
That shit's really difficult to deal with, especially when dealing with someone in a lot of physical or emotional pain, considering there's no way to really tell them without pain of some kind. I really hope you'll be able to figure this out and tell them in the least painful way.
15 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 19:35
I really hope you'll be able to figure this out and tell them in the least painful way.
Thanks anon, I'm hoping so too.
16 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-17 13:10
Update: Well, I did it. It wasn't easy, but they took it pretty well and are thankfully still willing to stay friends with me.
17 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-17 23:39
I googled my long lost best friend on a whim. He's a photographer now. The last time I saw him, I gifted him my film camera. He was taking another path in life and he was making so many excuses not to hang out, so it was my way of saying goodbye before leaving him alone.
He still uses the camera for the photos he posts on Instagram. It made me happy to see that.
18 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-18 12:43
I have a similar friend, but he became a politician. And the making excuses one was me.
19 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-18 13:54
I made sure I could never been found through a Google search for one of those exact reasons. I don't want people from my past to "google search" me to pry into my personal life at any given moment.
20 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-18 15:10
I agree, but I knew he had an Instagram so I don't think he'd mind if a stranger saw his feed.
21 Name: Paperplane : 2020-01-18 17:40
OMW to New Zealandy it's 24h of flight. London -> Hong Kong -> NZ.
Never traveled alone but gf left me December last year.
Wish me luck bois.
t. waiting at the airport
22 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-18 18:31
Yeah, I guess that's true. If I had to have an Instagram, I think I'd just use a pseudonym. What's people's thoughts here on that?
23 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-19 21:26
I finally took a nice walk and visited this cozy little pub in town. I wish I had the money to go for a drink every weekend, it really clears your mind.
24 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-21 15:20
Just received an email which I send myself 12 years ago, I was 15 back then. It was full of hopes and dreams for the future and I realized I didn't succeed in any of it. Heck even my younger self telling me that I better have finished school by now is a tough one to swallow.
Oh well, despite how I passive I lead my life all those years, things are now getting better through perseverance and effort.
25 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-22 10:11
Struggling with some inner demons but I've been working on my typing speed. I'm averaging up to 97 WPM now. So I guess I'm kind of happy with that anyways. Sorry I don't have anything else really to add. I'm kind of boring and I don't have much of an exciting life.
26 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-22 14:29
I am feeling weird because the font and possibly other things have changed here, at least for me.
27 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-22 18:57
I'm struggling to find the motivation to do all the work I have due next week. I haven't read anything this month (literature being my favorite hobby) because I can barely get out of bed, let alone do any activity that requires any amount of attention. I can only hope the rest of the year isn't as bad as these weeks have been.>>24
I sincerely hope things get better for you anon
28 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-22 22:38
Things are okay today, it started out with me feeling some depression missing loved ones who are gone or out of my life now. But I'm going to find something to cheer me up this evening. Going to try a new kind of chips here in a bit as well. So that'll be a different experience anyways.
29 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 01:55
Procrastinating and feeling bad about it. Maybe tomorrow...
30 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 06:29
I'm doing alright, listening to some relaxing music, browsing around the interwebz for a bit. Thinking about fixing a bite to eat and finding something to watch. Might play a game or two then hit the bed.
31 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 06:30
What are you procrastinating over? I've definitely been there. I'm currently doing the same with cleaning my room. But I just don't know where to start.
32 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 13:23
Some time-sensitive work that I really shouldn't be pushing to the side, especially the way I do. I just lose track of time when I'm browsing the web/playing video games.
33 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 17:05
I'm terrible about that myself. Minutes easily turn into hours.
34 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 12:01
Everything and everyone ticks me off. I'm a walking ball of hatred. Again. Hate it when it happens. Don't know what to do with this.
35 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 12:40
I think I have stumbled upon the audio equivalent of an acid trip. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0866MeDOUh8
36 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 12:43
Same, but I love animals. I wish I could live in a hut in the forest.
37 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 13:29
Awareness is the first step, for me it is absolutely essential to focus my attention on things I enjoy but also I have to push myself to "accept" positive thoughts about things and people, and force myself to speak them out if possible. Else I too fall into a pit of hatred for everything around me.
Seek out things you like, seek out people you don't hate as much and give them a little compliment, even something small will do. You have to work on it constantly and keep your chin up and let things out of your control go.
38 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 21:19
i'm doing fine, hope you anons have a great day too
39 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-25 04:42
Rather late at night here, felt like shit since I did nothing all day.
40 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-25 05:04
about a 7
41 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-26 11:00
Better than yesterday. I hope today goes well.
42 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-27 04:06
I got a lot done this weekend but have been feeling a bit isolated. Comme ce comme ca or what have you.
43 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-28 07:12
Finally did some light cleaning around the house. Going to try to continue tomorrow. But for now I'm going to listen to some music and play a game here in a little bit.
44 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-28 11:42
Been drinking tiil morning.
Working a full shift right now.
It's raining cats and dogs outside.
The new waitress is lesbian.
I need a week off.
45 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-28 16:10
I'm exhausted and unfocused. My job is slowly sucking the life out of me. Although it might be easy on the whole, it's numbing to spend eight hours of my day doing very menial work.
46 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-28 21:27
I have never wanted to take a break from the internet this intensely, but the weather is terrible and I'm a bit sick. If only I had a bit of sun this would be the best time to finally distance myself. I can't fill this existential void online. I don't know what's out there for me in this city, but I know for sure I can't find what I need here.
The problem is I've isolated myself for so long, I might as well be in the same spot as an institutionalized convict. I don't want to go back to the shrinks, so how do I fix myself?
I think I'll go out no matter what tomorrow, even if it's storming. I think the first step in this plan should be to stop doing what I'm doing right now.
47 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-29 07:30
I've been isolated for a decade now. How long have you?
48 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-29 18:41
Same. I just came back home.
49 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-31 06:57
I have some pain in my right side of my chest along with difficulties breathing. I feel extremely weak and fatigued along with my eyes feeling very dry with them bloodshot.
50 Name: Paperplane : 2020-01-31 07:06
51 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-01 12:18
If they have a stroke I'll never forgive them.
52 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-01 22:13
I'm still alive. I started feeling a little bit after a good night's sleep but I'm still not 100%. I feel more bloated than anything else. Either way I think I'm going to schedule a doctor's appoint on Monday if there's no improvements during the rest of the weekend. Either way I'll be going back soon for some more bloodwork I'm supposed to follow up on. Also kind of worried about my prostate. I've been frequently having semen in my urine and also have been more or less ejaculating more frequently while I poop if it's large or a lot coming out. Sorry for the TMI.
53 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-03 05:04
I've noticed that an increasing number of people on Twitter use the term "emotional labor." They say it means that someone talking to you about emotional stuff is laborious, but to me that just sounds like something a sociopathic narcissist would say.
What kind of friend are you if you won't even listen to them talk about their feelings and emotions? Ever heard of being a supportive friend?
If you call your friends talking to you about things that aren't all sunshine and roses "emotional labor" then you're not really friends with them to begin with.
It my friend is going through a rough time, I don't mind if they vent to me. Friendship is a two-way street. You help them out when they're struggling and they'll do the same for you.
54 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-03 05:25
It my friend is going through a rough time, I don't mind if they vent to me. Friendship is a two-way street. You help them out when they're struggling and they'll do the same for you.
No one could have put it in better words. That's exactly the truth. I hate how people have become now days. They want to vent about their problems but when the tables are turned and someone comes to them. They don't want any part of it. It's very sad what friendships and society has truly become. But that's probably one of the many reasons why we spend our times on anonymous outlets instead of on social media.
55 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-03 17:27
I had to reformat my PC because I purposely deleted files that I was unaware of being required for my PC to function.
I thought I looked up enough information on the folder, many sources told me it was just a backup of every windows10 update your PC downloaded and installed so I figured "well if it's a backup i don't need it". My computer wouldn't boot properly once I force shutdown (since it wouldn't shut down correctly either) and I just reformatted.
Thankfully I keep all of my storage on separate drives from the C: so the only stuff lost was some links in my browsers and all the passwords I saved. All my games, music and anime are all still mostly intact so it could be a lot worse. However I also lost some of the torrent files of anime that I was seeding, and some of them I was one of the only seeders so I'm gonna have to track those down.
56 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-03 21:18
Been trying to keep a positive mindset and put in the effort to make my life better.
Still, at some points I can't help but feel a bit hopeless at times, especially as the years go by without seeing the change I want.
Especially today I felt particularly down, been trying to move out of my parents house but I can't find a place, also getting a bit annoyed with my job so I might start looking for something else.
And then there's the yearning for a partner and some affection which is really breaking me up lately.
The thing is, I can't figure out what I should do to make the change I need. I keep pondering and puzzling about what to do but nothing comes of it and the frustration grows bigger, I don't even know where to go for help with these things.
Maybe I'll get a fresh insight and bright idea tomorrow.
57 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 00:14
I think getting a new place should come first and then the new job, because it sucks getting a really nice job but then the place you want to live in is further than you like. With the place out of the way, you know which area you want your job to be in.
58 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 09:02
Yeah that was my plan initially, two years ago.
The thing is, I can't afford to buy anything since it's too expensive and I don't earn enough, then there's social housing, I signed up for that but it's going to take years before you make a chance of getting anything because there's too many people in need and way too few houses available.
It's driving me nuts, my parents understand the situation and they force me to leave but my life is stagnating because of it.
59 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 16:43
Have you considered splitting the cost with a roommate? Maybe you can make a couple of advertisements on a couple internet boards. Who knows, maybe somebody if your country/state wants to move into your area but doesn't have a place in mind yet.
If you really want to, you could even post craigslist lol. But I would trust 4channers sooner than someone on craigslist.
60 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 18:12
4shit is being mentioned here too often lately.
61 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 19:15
Sadly a whole lot of lesser boards have been linked on it.
62 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 19:48
I'm not going to pretend I don't browse it. To be totally honest, I don't even remember how I got here but it definitely wasn't from 4chan. I believe it was from 4-ch because I was initially looking for that textboard in particular and that one opened the doors elsewhere. But to think you can't browse both for different experiences and maintain separate manners is silly. Yes, I prefer all of the textboards I visit but after I read everything, I still need stuff to read while I work and 4chan fills that need. If textboards were more active, I'd hardly go there but then you and others would have different complaints anyway.
63 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 20:35
Someone who's interested in watching teenagers posting "memes" and calling each other fags doesn't have too much in common with this board in my opinion. Or someone who does these things too and then comes here for friendly talks. Do what you want, of course. Not pretending is important.
64 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 21:01
I just like to talk sincerely and receive sincere responses like right now. I can only get the second part here.
65 Name: Paperplane : 2020-02-06 03:40
I'm with you mate. He wouldn't be able to tell where a poster here also posts/lurks unless that user would explicitly tell him anyway. To require someone to lurk/post only one or a few places in the entire internet is a wierd expectation. I can understand that people dislike crossposting (i.e. behaving in place X like you're in place Y) but you weren't doing that. Admitting that you do lurk place Y isn't crossposting. I mean I post on secluded Hikkiboards despite having a GF and a job but they can't tell because I adapt. And as long as I don't stick out like a sore thumb I don't see why anyone would mind.
66 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-06 06:39
I'm slowly going into a nervous breakdown.
67 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-07 02:48
Get a nice rest, anon. That's what I do, Go to sleep and turn off the alarm clock (if you want). Unplug from the bad habits a bit.
68 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-07 22:28
I'm doing okay today, been trying to stay positive despite everything crumbling around me. That image with the dog in the kitchen surrounded by fire saying "This is fine" sums up my life perfectly right now.
69 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-08 05:02
Doing pretty good so far, going to try to be productive for the rest of the day.
70 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-08 14:43
I had no motivation to draw in the past few weeks and now I've rusted badly. I need a new project to work on or I'll stagnate and lose all my progress.
71 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-08 21:12
Drinking again. Today with my ex-coworker. He's a barmen, I'm a barista, we're friends with the owner, who stands behind the bar. To the left from us are sitting two barmens, one male and one female, from a restaurant nearby. All but one of us is working at the same street.
I've had my first steak just now.
It's comfy here.
72 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-09 20:18
Just sitting here listening to some music, about to get a shower, eat something, and fix some coffee to get comfy for the evening. I guess all is well for the time being.
73 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-10 08:39
I'm wishing my skin would stop drying out really bad as well as start cracking up like crazy.
74 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-11 05:04
It's sunrise. There are nights like tonight where I can't lay down or I feel like I'm having a heart attack, so I have to get up and deal with racing thoughts on top of this scary pounding heart.
I just had this flashback from high school, when this kid's parents decided we shouldn't hang out anymore. I was a 'bad influence'. My grades were pretty bad. I was having health problems but this pattern happened many times.
It struck me how obvious it must've been at the time that I would have never amounted to anything, for it to actually happen decades later. That kid is a physicist now. I struggled, I really struggled to achieve many things but I achieved none. I just couldn't get there for one reason or the other.
Summing up my life and the efforts I've made I can only believe that the whole world committed an injustice against me, or that a few very kind people spared me what was obvious all along and gave me a chance anyway before they got tired. I think I should go with the most reasonable story.
I am pretty sure I'm deep into psychosis because I don't know what is real anymore. I don't know who I am, what kind of person I look like. I don't know the truth about my personal history, why things happened the way they happened. I've been told by professionals that episodes in my story meant things that I thought they didn't mean. Suddenly my story was different, often heavier and more personal but increasingly less of my story.
Despite what is happening right now, I always had the comfort of believing that I had an authentic, functional past, and things simply got out of control at some point in time. But that past disintegrates every time I look at it or analyze it or talk about it.
I'm not sure I can handle the crushing realization that I was horribly damaged from the very beginning, and the very seeds were spoiled, and everything that grew, despite all the care and effort was doomed to be stunted and twisted and never reach as high or bear any fruits. I'm denied even the comfort of blaming somebody who took part to the story, or even myself for laziness, or another character flaw.
I'll go make coffee.
75 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-11 05:08
Sorry for the long and stressful post. I regret littering the board like this.
76 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-13 11:10
You're alright, I don't consider it a littering post at all. I can relate with you a lot. I believe I'm suffering from a lot of similar things as you anon. I was always treated in the same manner growing up as a "bad influence" and often wouldn't be allowed to hang out with friends that I had outside of school. Now I have no friends and haven't amounted to anything wasting away with life passing me by in my early 30s. I'm probably dealing with psychosis myself as I question reality almost on a daily basis now. I'm not sure I was ever a functional human being at this point as well. I have extreme paranoia episodes on a daily basis where I'll literally freak out thinking that something is out to get me then I lay in the floor crying for anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour. I've thought about trying to seek out help as I'm not able to hold a job for more than a few weeks then taking months to even years without even looking for another one. This isn't a stable life to life and I'm more a burden to those willing to support me than anything else. Also who knows how much longer this can continue...
77 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-13 11:55
I had only one hope and that hope was art, I had a really strong passion for it and I worked really hard at it since I had the first major depressive episode and was diagnosed with a chronic illness that made my future uncertain. I said fuck it, let's go with it and chase a dream. If I work hard I'll make it.
Art was pretty much what gave me purpose so far but as the years went by I realized that I started too late and I just had no talent. Today I'm not half as skilled as people much younger than me, sometimes even teenagers. They just draw nicer looking stuff and have a better grasp on what they're doing. Nobody even likes the concept of my drawings or my taste in general. There's not a single thing that makes me think I'll manage to touch anybody or communicate anything with my work. So for the past years I ended up crying over paper every time I picked up a pencil. This was the only thing that gave me joy and now it's torture. I barely manage to finish anything.
When people say that talent is just hard work, it's bullshit. They'll say if you fail you've been lazy. It doesn't matter how much you work, if you don't have talent you will never compete. You might only get where a talented person got if they didn't put in the work, but why wouldn't they? Talented people get encouragement and rewards because what they make shines, so they'll work hard by default. If after years your work still sucks, people won't say a thing about it, or they will berate you. The further you chase this delusion the more alone and invisible you'll be and the less valid your claims and history will become. You're just phased out to make room for the survivors and what you say is just noise behind the parade of winners.
I've been drawing less and less because of how painful it is to face how inept I am and how much better everyone else is. I know I'm an idiot and entitled for being uncompromising on the things I draw and looking down on what a lot of other people do, or thinking that they're wasting their talent on things I dislike. I have no right to make it the hard way when people way better than me have to compromise. The only comfort I had was lying to myself and trying to put the blame on other things. I even tried to buy into the gaslighting and think that I actually didn't work hard enough.
I already have everything set up to kill myself, but I'm holding on until a person in my family is dead so I don't cause too much of a mess. I've been littering a lot of places while I wait, like a ghost who's stuck in a behavioral loop and repeats the same shit until someone exorcises it.
This is probably enough to doxx me but I don't care anymore. I hope I'll manage to stop posting this shit, or at least have the sensibility to link a post instead of passing this straight faced copypasta and wasting everyone's time.
Again sorry for the not comfy post, I think I'll leave this board.
78 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-13 17:29
This is probably enough to doxx me
I have to say, I was having some dejavu reading your couple of posts.
I've heard from other artists that you're never supposed to compare your art to anyone else, for the exact reason that you mentioned. If you create for your own personal enjoyment (may not be the act of creating, but maybe the act of putting emotions on paper in a non-writing form for example), you can hopefully be able to create again.
Have you considered a different medium too? Different styles might require different tool so maybe paint, charcoal, or whatever else can be used to create instead of just pencils.
79 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-13 20:03
If you create for your own personal enjoyment
I create art for my personal enjoyment and that's probably the issue because I only want to make things I like without compromising and I would like to draw all my life 24/7 so I want it to be my identity and my job, not a hobby. I think art is about communication, if enjoying the act of drawing were enough to be happy I would be happy. But to me it doesn't end with the thing I make, I'm trying to reach other to people but in my case people just don't like what I do. If I try to adapt and make popular things that people like I stop liking art. So it's nobody's fault.
Sadly this is not like working out, you don't get automatic rewards that you can see in the mirror except you get better at drawing. And that's important and gratifying but it's not my end goal.
I didn't look at other people's art much so I'm not making comparisons. If anything I like very little art made by others despite being painfully aware they're much more skilled than me.
All in all I'm just entitled because I don't deserve any of this. If I were amazing at drawing I could have tried teaching but I'm not even close to amazing despite the amount of practice I did, and I don't have the personality to be entertaining nor the business sense, I'm reclusive as hell.
I just want this thing really badly my own way, no strings attached, and I cannot force myself out of the box or find a way to make it work or I feel just as miserable as if I quit.
80 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-16 17:25
I just realized I still miss my first ex, and all the other girls were replacements for her. Maybe if I were more well adjusted and put more effort in our relationship she would have stayed. I can't imagine what she would think of me right now.
81 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-17 05:33
Trying to work on my mental state and let go of the past.
82 Name: Paperplane : 2020-02-17 08:15
2 and a half years ago, I got back together with my ex who appears to have had a similar position to me than your ex has to you. I really wanted her back and compared other girls to her all the time. Well we tried but December we broke up again. In 7 years our personalities changed too much and we just don't fit together anymore.
So my conclusion is that you probably should forget about your ex. I know that this is a useless advice but it's most likely good advice nonetheless.
After the failed attempt I'm now moving on. Living alone in my place feels wierd since I have never lived completely alone. First with family and then I always had a gf in my place. Glad I still have my cat though.
83 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-17 09:09
So you were in relationships with girls you weren't in love with? Why do this to yourself and other people?
84 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-17 09:50
Why do you assume that? I loved the other girls, I just looked for the same kind of fulfillment in the relationship.
85 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-18 15:08
Could be better, could be worse. I feel like today is just going to be one of those days...
86 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-19 08:57
Just as >>82
mentioned. After so many years your personalities will have changed too much especially if you were still pretty young (i.e. teenager/young adult). I also returned to a relationship with the girl I lost my virginity with dwelling on the past so much after we broke up and the next few relationships I was in ended in disaster. Thinking to myself things would be better in my life if I could have a second chance to do things right with her. Plus I really wanted to again be with the one that I chose to give myself to. Which we ended up getting back together 6 years later. Things was nice at first and we were instantly drawn together physically, but that was it. After the spark of reuniting ended, our relationship fell apart. Our personalities changed completely, she wanted kids, I didn't, she wanted me to be more of "a man" to take care of her in a traditional sense, and I was way too young to settle down in the manner she wanted. Our interests weren't aligned anymore on what really brought us together in the first place from the past. Which was anime and video games, she ended up "growing out of them". We also grew apart due to political and spiritual differences. Keep in mind this wasn't even the current state of shit either as this was in the very early 2010s.
But what I'm trying to say tl;dr, people grow apart and change after many years away from one another as well as generally change throughout the years shaping as well as finding themselves as other people later in life.
87 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-19 19:16
I finally started learning how to drive, I'm pretty stoked about that. I live in a place where it's nearly impossible to do much of anything without a vehicle. I've become a shut in as a result, and it's been taking a toll on my mental health. Looking forward to the future.
88 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-20 06:06
I know the feeling. I'm in the exact situation and needing to start learning how to drive. Every time in the past that I've tried it's failed or went terribly wrong. I don't know how to get over my fears of driving or to adapt to my poor depth perception. I almost go into ditches or hit other cars every time I make a turn. I also panic way too much.
89 Name: Paperplane : 2020-02-20 08:49
Congrats bro. I associate a license with a very liberating feeling because now you can go wherever you want whenever you want and listen to your favourite music while doing so.
I'm currently going through what I can only describe as a quarter life crisis. I'm turning 25 next month and my ex-gf broke up with me just before Christmas. We've been living together for 2 and a half years and she moved out at the end of January. Now I'm solo for ~2 months and I've never been solo for that long for 8 years because I always was in a relationship some way or another.
Now I'm alone in my place where my ex used to live and she took with her all the plants and the decor and some household stuff and now my flat looks very empty which intensifies the feeling on loneliness I'm currently experiencing.
My self esteem suffered quite a bit from the break up and my receeding hairline isn't doing that any favours, too.
I feel like I will never get a girlfriend again and I know that these thoughts are very irrational but I can't help it, they just permeate my mind regularly. Right now I'm looking for a girl, I don't even crave sex or a relationship, just holding hands/hugging would be enough to smother the loneliness but I'm aware that these wants are very... dishonest (?) and that's why I feel ashamed for even having them.
Two days ago I was at a female co-worker's place and we're only very casual friends but I couldn't help but interpret more into this casual hang out (we built costumes for a party and then cooked together) even though I have no objective clue to base my interpretations on - it's just my emotional state longing for intimacy.
I am very confused and angry about these feelings and desires because they only bring trouble and discomfort.
90 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-21 15:17
I haven't been able to sleep. Feeling a bit paranoid being home alone today and knowing I'll be by myself tonight as well.
91 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-22 08:12
I ended up handling myself pretty well without really being overwhelmed with paranoia. Honestly I was more worried about dropping blueberries in the floor than being home alone earlier.
92 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-23 00:22
I have been having troubles with anxiety related to my upcoming graduation from university. I can't really determine what I want to do when i get out.
93 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-29 13:00
I'm doing okay, it's cold outside. I'd say my area is getting it's final Winter heavy snow before Spring. I'm about to have some coffee and just take today to stay warm as well as relax before having to find a new job next week.
94 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-01 08:27
At said party (just a thing at work, nothing wild) which was on thursday I asked around my coworkers that I have lunch with every day if anyone wanted to hang out on the weekend. Of course I hoped that primarily she would want to but I asked the whole group to not appear too pushy. She said that she had time on sunday and so we agreed to meet.
This time we were hanging out at my place and we watched two movies together and cooked dinner inbetween. Now this might sound like sparks were already flying between us but that day was kinda awkward. We sat next to each other on the couch but within safety distance. We didn't touch once and it just felt like two very platonic friends just sitting there. She arrived very early, at 11 am and after the 2nd movie we talked a little bit longer but about nothing serious and around 7.30pm she left.
This frustrated me. I did enjoy the time with her but from my experience, girls don't just come over to your place to watch movies and cook with you but she made it seem like it was really just that and that she was only there because I asked her to. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect us to have sex or anything, but SOME sign of her interest in me would've been great for my self esteem, you know?
That was on sunday 7 days ago. In the following week we had lunch at work together as usual and by sheer coincidence the other coworkers we usually meet up with weren't around and we had 2 or 3 days it was just the two of us again. These lunch breaks were valuable, because we talked a lot more than usual and I felt her slowly warming up to me (which is kinda ironic, given that we've been having these lunch breaks together for more than two years now). I'm fasting at the moment and she's a vegetarian anyway so I loosley suggested that we can check out a vegetarian restaurant in our city someday. But this time I didn't want to be the initiator again because I wanted to know if the desire to meet outside of work is a mutual one.
And would you look at that: Next tuesday is our birthday (yeah, we were born on the same day) and yesterday she asked me if I had plans on that day and if not if we could go to said restaurant together.
Bois, I think I've been asked out on a date and I am extremely happy right now. This is exactly the kind of boost my ego needed, plus I'm having a date with a girl I like.
95 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-01 13:52
Good luck to you man, I hope that all goes well. I personally don't even know how to set up a date at this point in my life. I'm literally opposed/against almost every aspect of society when it comes to dating. The movies is a scam, I'd much rather torrent or stream something from home. Dining is shit as well as tipping culture being the most digusting thing I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I don't know how to cook so, there goes that idea. Can't ask her to cook for us. I don't want to fail in my investment to be romantic to not get exactly what I want or in question what I expect that which I'm "paying for". Plus it just seems like paying a prostitute at that level. I don't have my license or a own a vehicle because I'm against the scam of car ownership being a capitalistic trap. I hate normies and don't want to be around them. So living in the area that I do where everyone is a retarded normie, I have no friends to depend on for transportation or "double dates" to ease into a situation. I also hate consumerism, I don't want to hang out at the damn mall or anything like that. I just think to myself, I'd rather visit a thrift store, yard sale, flea market, or check out some very very cheap deals online if I absolutely need something. Which is rare because I normally don't have extra money. Being a frugal "freeter" and on your own is a hard life.
96 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-01 21:49
Yeah I can see why you're just not the kind of person to go on a traditional date. Nothing wrong with that.
Let me reply to your points anyway;
The movies is a scam, I'd much rather torrent or stream something from home.
Then you could still invite her over. And I wouldn't call them a scam per se, there's still movies worth to be seen on the big screen (Mad Max: Fury Road comes to mind). But it has gotten quite expensive over the years, I must admit. But I have a local, independent cinema in my small town. They don't get the movies on release date most of the time but they're much more affordable than the big chains in the city.
Dining is shit
What makes you say that?
tipping culture being the most digusting thing I've ever witnessed in my entire life
Are you American? I heard they have it the worst and then I could see why you'd hate it.
I don't know how to cook so, there goes that idea. Can't ask her to cook for us.
Tell her that you don't know how to cook but she can teach you.
I don't want to fail in my investment to be romantic to not get exactly what I want or in question what I expect that which I'm "paying for". Plus it just seems like paying a prostitute at that level.
I could see why you feel that way. For me an actual date like eating at a restaurant is more about the commitment and the "officialness" of it all, you know? If you hang out at someone's place it could still be considered casual and meaningless but taking someone out for dinner for example feels more serious.
I don't have my license or a own a vehicle because I'm against the scam of car ownership being a capitalistic trap.
Sorry for assuming again but this also kinda sounds like an American problem to me.
I hate normies and don't want to be around them. So living in the area that I do where everyone is a retarded normie, I have no friends to depend on for transportation or "double dates" to ease into a situation.
Yeah that sounds shit. But what can I say, you'd probably call me a normie if you met me so I can't really make a judgement here.
I also hate consumerism, I don't want to hang out at the damn mall or anything like that. I just think to myself, I'd rather visit a thrift store, yard sale, flea market
I know lots of girls who're into that stuff. Yeah most of them are probably "art hoes" following a trend but some of them are genuine I think. What I'm trying to say is that there's girls you could go on unconventional dates with that don't include any of the things you mentioned above. Just going outside for a walk into nature for exmaple is completely free and can still be very romantic. The corny ass walk on the beach comes to mind. Not that everyone has a beach in their vicinity but you get the idea.
Being a frugal "freeter" and on your own is a hard life.
It doesn't make conventional dating easier, at least. But as I said, I don't think you'd even want a regular "normie" girl since you made some alternative life choices so you'd need a girl that shares your views. Probably rare but out there.
97 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-01 22:09
A lot of the high speed "social media" websites like Twitter foster this kind of narcissistic behaviour. The platforms thrive on it.
98 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-02 14:26
Sorry for going on a "bitching spree". But yeah, I'm an American. I hate it, absolutely hate it. I also don't have public transportation in my area. Forgot to mention that. But yeah, I agree with you on a lot of what you replied with. I just have to take into count my alternative lifestyle and choices when implenting the ideas behind dating or involving myself with a girl or friend for that matter in any given circumstance.
99 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-02 15:55
Haha don't worry, I don't mind if someone wants to blow off some steam once in a while. Yeah I heard about your public transport situation, basically if you don' own a car your fucked. Central Europe, Germany to be precise is way more forgiving as long as you live in or near a city and given how densely populated the country is that's almost always the case.
100 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-02 16:29
Yeah, I've always felt like I'd fit in more with a European or Asian country. Sadly now there's tons of fears running rampant about coronavirus. So even if I one day could possibly become fluent in another given language there's more pressing concerns around the corner. Along with mass immigration, crime, violence, and all the rest of the worlds problems. Almost seems like we're fucked no matter where we are these days.
101 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-02 16:52
Almost seems like we're fucked no matter where we are these days.
And yet there are places where people have it much better (say, Switzerland) or worse (North Korea) than elsewhere.
102 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-02 17:57
Wow, everyone around is freaking out about the coronavirus. There are people trying to get the local college shut down until the virus is gone. Not sure what the goal there is, like isn't the virus supposed to take a year or two to die out? We can't just sit around and stop living our lives for a couple of years
103 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-02 18:00
We can't just sit around and stop living our lives for a couple of years
True but I wouldn't mind sitting around for a year again^^>>100
Aw come on. >>101
has a point, it's not THAT bad.
104 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-03 20:18
Aaaand I got friendzoned. That hurt! We went to the restaurant and had a good time. Later in the car I asked wether this was a date now and she just replied
I'd rather not like it to be one
But what can I say. If a girl asks me to go to a restaurant with her, I can't help but at least have a suspicion for this to be a date. This sucks, but rather sooner than later. At least now I know where I'm at. Still hurts though.
105 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-04 11:13
I'd rather not like it to be one
ouch! that's the bad karma for namefagging
106 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-04 12:55
I'm scared of the coronavirus, what is everyone's advice here for it? I really want to try to stay calm and be rational.
107 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-04 21:04
First of all, don't panic. Fear is the mind-killer! Make sure you have enough resources, but do *not* panic-buy and hoard. You probably won't need gold, but you might need beans.
108 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-05 03:57
I landed an interview last week with a large investment firm. It feels very uplifting and relaxing to have a direction now.
109 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-05 06:50
I don't believe it. We kissed today. Somebody explain women to me.
110 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-05 08:16
Coronavirus has made my job search worse; networking and interviewing have moved online. As much as I spend time online, I still prefer those to be physical. Luckily the COVID situation where I am is very good.
111 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-05 12:29
Women are the unsolvable puzzle I'm afraid. I don't think any of us will ever figure them out.
112 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-05 16:29
My friend said something similar. All of his interviews are in "Corona Virus Central", where ever that is in his state. He's not exactly thrilled to go to interviews and I think he would prefer them if they moved his online, lol.
113 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-05 18:53
Corona was just confirmed in my city. I guess I'll see you all on the other side.
114 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-05 19:28
o7 hope all of you anons make it
115 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-07 02:42
Online interviews are more dystopian tbh. First, they ask you to install some shitty app/plugin, then they have the audacity to video call, asking if you are visible but not turning on video themselves.>>114
Thanks friend, luckily the situation here is being managed very well.
116 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-12 05:38
Today was probably one of the worst days I've ever had, starting with losing a SOT23-5 part which I had no spares for to the carpet, and snowballing into nearly causing some people to get into a real nasty crash. So much for working toward getting a license, I'm not going to try driving again. I can't get into those dreaded machines without entirely dissociating. The barrier they put between the world and my senses is unbearable.
117 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-12 13:15
Ironically I always felt much more in control on top of a horse than inside a car. I can't believe that we settled for using 3000 pound metal boxes with wheels to move our asses around at deadly speeds.
118 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-16 00:25
I'm quarantined due to wuhan flu.
119 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-17 08:07
Damn. Get well soon, anon. Believe in your body cells that believe in you.
120 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-18 10:55
This year, I wanted to graduate, to put three years of effort behind me. But thanks to the lockdowns and the overall shutdown, it's not going to happen. I'll probably be dropping out again.
Life's funny like that. And I'm not laughing anymore. I don't belong in the real world anymore.
121 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-20 23:14
I'm getting depressed hearing everyone talk about what they plan on doing during the holidays, uh I mean "lockdown". The only way I could get time off would be to actually get the disease, so many imageboard users seem to work in tech and it's making me feel left out. Well, I suppose I should be thankful to still have my job.
122 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-21 14:37
They won't let you graduate even though the school is shut down? My school just switched to online classes.
123 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-22 21:05
Brought home the work computer so I can continue working at home. It now blue screens on starup. Fuck.
124 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-23 11:18
Not quite a lockdown in my country but everything has come to a halt, everything I was doing to get my life back on track and practice my social skills have come to a halt as a result.
On the other hand, it's quiet outside, every single day and the weather has been improving, everyone I see, despite the crisis, seems a lot calmer than they usually do. There's a strange calm atmosphere hanging around, it's comfortable but you also feel that something is going on, it just doesn't show itself.
125 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-02 02:44
I'm having conversations via voice chat with people I never thought I would have talked to again. It's very very weird and awkward but also interesting.
I am pleasantly intoxicated. Please don't take it as an encouragement, but drinking sometimes is really nice.
I love people so much. I wish I could make the world better.
126 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-02 09:56
Man, it really feels like I went into the wrong line of work. I thought I'd really enjoy coding as a career but I can barely stand working like this. For whatever reason it's really hard to actually put in work, I don't care about what I'm working on and it's so hard to force myself to do mental tasks that I don't care about. At least when I had a warehouse job I could just zone out and work, physical labor is so much easier.
Maybe it'd be different if I cared about what I was building? Who knows though, I'm probably going to try sticking it out for a while anyways. Maybe I'm just going stir crazy from the quarantine or something.
127 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-02 13:17
I noticed this too, it has become really difficult to put my brain to use on things I really don't care much for and that has been happening in my job.
Since I too do programming for work, I've been struggling to get things done because I can't get myself to put in the mental effort required when solving programmatic problems. Working from home hasn't made this any easier.
On the other hand, I don't know what kind of other work I could do and still get by.
128 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-02 15:20
Imagine spending your life after mentally handicapped machines that do not understand anything you've told them if you put a semicolon instead of a colon somewhere and have no common sense, humor or humanity. And then you have to open source your work and open your arms to idiotic CoCs and beg to get paid 0.2$ from entitled freeloaders who use that program every day to handle their terabytes of porn and videogames.
129 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-02 22:51
t. linux package maintainer
130 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-03 00:10
A hammer and nail has no sense of humor or humanity.
All of my works are for myself. I release them as open-source in the hope that others will do the same, in the hope that I can modify and repurpose their work to suit my own desires.
131 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-03 19:44
My cat is sick and it's killing me inside. I kept my cool so far but I can't take this. God what an awful year.
132 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-05 19:44
I've had that feeling whenever my work veers towards maintenance and meaningless polishing, which seems to be a significant portion of the time. The most exciting part of programming to me is to make new things from as close to square one as possible. It makes me think that I'd like to get into a newer company or take contract work as the next step in my career, legacy systems are mentally draining, especially when no time is allotted to actually improving them.
133 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-12 06:22
Spring break is nearly over, then its five weeks to get myself into a position where I'm actually able to graduate.
134 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-13 23:30
I've stayed up till late for a couple weeks now. I'm going to drop everything I'm doing right now and go to sleep, so tomorrow I can wake up and get a nice coffee and breakfast at a normal hour and not spend the rest of the day like a zombie.
I'll friggin' elbow drop that bed so hard. Just watch me.
135 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-14 11:41
Don't know why but I'm really grateful that through it all, the Post Office has always been here.
I love you guys. I hope nothing ever happens to this site.
136 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-14 17:50
Pretty melancholy today. I've been extremely sleepy for the whole day even though I went to sleep at a reasonable time. I'll be graduating from university soon and feel saddened by it. I have never been a highly motivated person and lofi hiphop mixes have always been a constant throughout my university years. It saddens me that most of the things I have found relatable and motivating in these past 3 years will soon no longer have the same feeling.
137 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-15 11:43
I'm really amazed that we've been around since 2013 (/ 2011), going slowly, but still going. In the spirit of Cafe Alpha.
138 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-16 03:41
All day everyday is nap time! I can't tell if it's depression naps or fatigue naps, but a nap is a nap so it's okay.
139 Name: Paperplane : 2020-04-16 19:20
I saw someone wearing a Yankee-baseball cap that didn't have a brim and I am feeling blessed.
140 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-19 12:44
I totally get that man. I try really hard to hang on to positivity and being creative but it's such a drag so often. Sometimes I feel like investing into fun things is senseless because the fun will end at ome point. But hey - let's keep our heads up, shall we, Anon?
141 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-19 13:58
Same here. I'm rushing towards graduation and all the studying I'm supposed to do makes me want to hide.>>138
Hope you're happily napping right now!
142 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-19 23:22
Since that post I have realized that your environment shapes you dramatically. Your brain is not like a computer, it's highly malleable. You have no grasp on truth, you never will. Not only because of lack of objective data to process, but also because what you have is constantly twisted by your flawed human perception.
But wait, anon, this is what education-
No. Nothing will fix this. Human brains do not have the purpose of achieving truth, or being accurate, or any of that stuff. It is nice to train this skill on the side, but that's like using a chisel where you need a knife. The human brain is a processor whose problem solving skills are environment specific. It's there so you can survive the situation your physical body is in. This is not the good ol'chemicals meme, it's actually just humanity. As a truth-telling machine, you are flawed. Way more flawed than you possibly think you are. And you are entirely shaped by your physical environment, you are like play-doh no matter how hard you think you are.
The internet, to your body, is like a dark room. You do not know who you are talking to 99% of the time, you cannot monitor your actions in real time. It all happens by probing through an intermediary, like you're piloting a submarine in the deep ocean. No matter what you see, your physical body is not in its natural state. I think this is the reason why so people people who come online feel lost. Brains just misfire. How do you assume who's worth listening to? Your methods are probably not very sensible. Many people are so tired of fumbling in the dark, which should be a temporary state eventually rewarded by the light, that they convince themselves they are blind, or they start hallucinating. This actually happens in pitch darkness. Your brain wants to figure out a situation for your body that is impossible to figure out. We are not meant for any of this, we are meant for a life in the open in a social circle of maybe 150 individuals including family.
143 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-20 02:43
This isn't the Ctrl+V thread nor your personal blog.
144 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-20 18:49
These ¨¨¨comfy¨¨¨ boards are more braindead than 4chan
145 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-20 19:05
No fun allowed
146 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-20 20:04
144 that's cool and all but did anyone ask
147 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-21 05:16
Nah, people are just a little too focused on staying comfy to a point where they appear to be retards.
148 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-21 09:07
Too much comfyness is just slow paced sedation. But honestly - being able to switch to braindead mode from time to time is really comfy.
149 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-21 16:09
Just serviced my own laptop now that I can’t go outside and have someone else fix it. It was pretty nerve wrecking since it was my first time and I was almost sure I broke something after I heard that loud clack noise, but it turned out fine. Now it’s sporting a brand new keyboard and I cleaned up the parts that still had that sticky coffee stain.
150 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-23 10:04
Nice! It's such a rewarding experience, isn't it? I just recently replaced my T420's thermal paste and cleaned the keyboard - that was really nice too!
151 Name: Paperplane : 2020-04-23 14:02
Drinking Arizona Ice Tea and eating home made rice balls during home office.
I filled them with chicken, spring onion and my try of weeb omelette(tamago). I was too lazy for the dashi so it's just scrambled eggs with soy sauce and miri.
I feel like cooking some unnecessary complicated stuff keeps me sane in times like these.
Doesn't taste exceptional but just putting in the effort of preparing the ingredients, cutting the nori paper and forming the balls with the sticky rice makes eating them very rewarding. I got some left in the fridge for tomorrow!
152 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-23 22:42
That's the best sort of food isn't it? Food that's good not because of what it's made of but because of what was put into it. For me, just putting together a couple crackers and cheese tastes a lot better than than McDonald's drive thru.
153 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-24 02:12
I picked up an opencourseware textbook to learn calculus today. I'm nearly thirty, but by the time I'm fifty, I swear to everyone reading this that I'll have gained enough knowledge to build a replacement for me and have it done.
154 Name: Paperplane : 2020-04-24 05:41
Exactly. But I'm not gonna lie, there are days where I crave McDonald's. I've boycotted it for 7 years or so and was "forced" to eat there again last year (4am at a train station after a day of riding the train and nothing waa open but McD) and since then I sometimes get the itch to eat there...
shame on me!
155 Name: Anonymous : 2020-04-24 20:33
I try my best to stay away from that stuff too, but I'm not gonna lie: McNasty's fries are the best!
156 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-01 00:15
The fries are good enough, but not the burgers
157 Name: Paperplane : 2020-05-04 10:47
Time stands still. Home office got me feeling like even the weekends blend together with the rest of the week.
Every social event is postponed or cancelled.
At least I have a friend I visit ~every two weeks in person.
158 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-08 04:43
Finished my last final for the semester today. Pretty sad about how thing turned out. Through my own procrastination and retardation i know i fucked up one class and i may have fucked up another. I cannot believe i let this happen to myself.
159 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-11 04:20
Pretty sure a lot of students' grades plummeted because of this pandemic. Mine surely did.
160 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-12 07:46
Just finished my last report for today. I'm sort of optimistic for my grades since I spent more time than usual on my work being cooped up inside. However since all the tests had to be take-home I don't know how grades will be assigned, hopefully the professors decide to be kind.
161 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-12 21:48
While that may be true i fucked up even harder because my uni was giving a "pass or fail" option for the coursers semester. If i had signed up in time i would have been able to select a "pass" option for the classes i did bad in.
162 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-18 02:38
It's been a while since I've worked on any personal projects, and I just pushed myself to do a game jam this weekend. There's still a bit to go, and the product is kind of crappy, but I think we got a good amount done. I'm pretty proud of the progress. I've got that sort of exhaustion that goes right to the pit of your chest though. In a certain way it feels kind of good.
163 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-22 17:22
Working at home and work computer just blue screened and now can't get to the desktop. This is the second computer I've had to borrow from work since the first one also broke.
Why does this have to happen to me?
164 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-23 00:11
165 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-24 20:23
I've pretty much only been doing Uni work right now. Everything else I either can't do or don't find any joy in anymore. I've been trying to revisit things I liked a couple of years ago but they just don't make me happy like they used to. I guess that's just the way life goes.
Here's a song, I hope you like it xhttps://youtu.be/vEBOuXYLMU4
166 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-25 23:58
I turned 27 today but I'm pretty indifferent about it. My quarter life crisis already came and went, got a motorcycle out of it lol. Sat all this morning during a storm wondering what I should be doing with the last of my 20's, i've posted it on like 3 or 4 different imageboards asking for advice but it's all lackluster tbh or I've been there done that to the rest of the suggestions.
Sometimes I feel like the boomer wojak meme where I'm(mentally) sitting back drinking a beer and just watching the sun set without much fuss even though inside I have so much pent up energy. I did do some spring cleaning though, cleaned out my computer and organized my music, something good came out of today's day off.
167 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-26 03:50
My plan since high school has always been to buy a motorcycle and just hit the road north here in California, listening to my favorite music along the way. That's at least what I would with that energy.
Also my day has been pretty good, this might be sort of inappropriate for this board, but I fucked this really hot girl the other last night and she was saying all these nice things to me. Really boosted my ego for the whole day.
168 Name: Anonymous : 2020-05-26 04:29
It's not that it's innappropriate but you could've phrased it a little better baka~~
When I got it I got it more out of spite than anything, took me awhile to get used to it and I'm still learning. Definitely don't regret it yet though, it's like a weight off my shoulders in the sense that at least I tried it even if it wasn't as life changing as I imagined it. Quite frankly I got used to it much faster than I expected.
I wouldn't mind a girl to be romantic with, at this point though it's hard to imagine since I've been alone for such a long time now. Sometimes I feel as though I don't want one deep down and that scares me more than me just not being able to get one.
169 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-01 10:23
I'm considering quitting my work. Reading a book on and off, and protagonist is thinking about it too. We live in a matrix.
170 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-01 16:01
Been feeling really down about the current state recently. I feel like there isn't a remote chance of having a /comfy/ lifestyle anymore.
My dream was to get a permanent japanese visa and have a little comfy Japanese cabbage farm. Live off the land in the country, go hiking, go fishing, go camping, get married, have kids and raise them without the internet culture and sensationalism of the modern world. I guess in reality I was too naive to think there would ever be a chance at that. In the end we need to grow up and face reality. What a depressing and cold thought.
171 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-01 18:31
Been there. Slaps from reality hurt me every single day. I don't know what to say to you.
172 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-02 19:21
I'm really pissed about something and I'm also pissed about the fact that I'm pissed about it.
Unsure if it's culturally the same everywhere else in a non-English speaking country but usually you have:
1. The people who spend their time in the internet outside of social media in English-speaking communities discussing non-country-specific activities e.g., anime.
2. The people speaking English 70% of the time and frequent social media including Reddit and for the most part twitter. They usually are into western tvshows and the western culture in general, some read books, relatively nice and approachable people and can co-exist with both for 1. and 3. because they're very sociable I suppose.
3. The rest, mostly native speaking social media users.
If I'm to put myself as 1., an old friend of mine is 2. and we've stopped talking for quite a while now, partially because real life stood in the way and because we're from different internet "circles", our relationship died completely. I was very interested in them because of the mutual thoughts we shared outside of our hobbies and interests when I was early 1. person but then slowly more and more dove far away from 2. which made it harder (very hard) to find people interested in me because I couldn't keep up conversations much and probably because my interests didn't match theirs in addition to the social factor.
Recently I met another person from 2. and they were nice however just like the other person, they showed very little dependency on me no matter how I actually impress them and show that I'm actually interesting. I looked them up online and found out that they have the exact interests and the exact circle, it made me think that they probably should meet each other instead of being with me over a period of time.
I'm pissed that I'm thinking that way and it's affecting my work! so I slapped myself and got back to work, hurts a bit still but I gotta move on. I'm thinking about picking a simple and small game that doesn't require much investment to enjoy because I haven't played games in a while now.
173 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-02 19:58
You can try playing go or mahjong online. These communities are really nice people.
174 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-03 00:05
Not much to add to that one, but it pisses me off the internet's designed in such a way we could be from the same country, but both of us frequent an anonymous IB, so even if we have the same interests we will never know.
That, and the fact that in order to speak to the people from you country who are into the same things you have to go to several English-speaking communities (usually US-centric ones, too) to find several of these on each of them. It's a big diaspora! I shuffle through like 3-4 Discord servers now to talk to similar people from my country, it gets pretty annoying at times.
Twitter really promotes circles and bubbles, too.
175 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-03 11:10
Well IMO it's certainly because we, internet users, abused usernames the wrong way and it lead to push 1. to anonymous posting and 2. and 3. to public name posting.
In a perfect world, we'd only be username posting on the internet and only expose our real life persona/details if we must/want to e.g., meeting an online friend in real life.
Corporations made their users feel that the platforms they're using are populated by people that think like them and forced them to exist only there for the most part to discuss everything, Discord is one.
Anonymous posting alienated the people who don't have something else to fallback to I suppose? 2. already feels social by being in their platform because it's "social" media. Everything that interests you is done in a social fashion however 1. separates the social aspect from the interests and users with no other place fulfill the social aspect end up at a disadvantage.
I suppose ideally forums with no dedicated chat server would work best because it requires you to send an email to the person you're interested in and that your relationship with them would be independent from the forum itself.
I think the latter wouldn't promote circles and bubbles in the twitter(bad) sense but rather makes people open to many forums while keeping their social aspect decentralized/independent from any of them. I don't know really...
176 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-03 17:05
I've been doing a bit better today. A lot of my despair in life is caused from anxiety and when I get that under control I feel better. In the mean time I've been studying for my midterms and working on some small projects. I recently found some old 5.25 floppy games and have been trying to get my hands on a drive to back them up before they deteriorate.
177 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-20 02:45
Hi friends, how do you deal with trolls? Obviously, there’s the tried and true adage of don’t feed the trolls, but sometimes you encounter some really persistent and toxic posters, and sometimes you can’t help but get an emotional reaction. It doesn’t help that thanks to this entire worldwide pandemic my IRL social life has dropped to zero. I just feel like shit sometimes.
178 Name: Paperplane : 2020-06-20 08:21
Just close the tab and take a step back. This of course requires you to realise you're being emotionally manipulated in the heat of the moment but whenever I notice I'm in some fruitless discussion with a troll I just leave the thread/close the tab. There's nothing to be won or lost and all he wants is for you to reply more.
179 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-22 00:37
I'm doing fine.
First time visitting here actually.>>176
I can relate to that struggle, only traced the despair to anxiety quite recently. It is a very popular thing among college students.
180 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-22 14:59
I've created my first signature drink. Named it Vanilla Ice after my jojos. Also because it's made with cream. Hah. You can laugh now.
Haven't slept today. Our quarantine situation is getting worse.
I wanna chug a beer and fall asleep.
181 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-23 01:48
I just got off work and I'm chilling in the bar up the street from my workplace enjoying a nice cold Olympia.
I didn't get much sleep last night, so I'm thinking about taking a nap when I get home.
My workweek is over and I'm looking forward to relaxing for the next couple days.
182 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-23 14:23
doing better now, thanks. i was quite ill when i posted that, so that might have been a factor. i was also anxious about entering my first job, feel like i'm going to leave the innocence of my youth behind.
183 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-23 18:03
I don't think they have Olympia where I live. Is it pretty good?
184 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-23 21:00
im ok :)
working on setting up a deadline to give some urgency to personal projects, have to finish a painting by friday, ive been wasting far too much time recently
185 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-23 21:47
It's a cheap, crappy beer but I like it. It's kind of like PBR.
Tastes great when it's ninety-whatever degrees out and you just got out of a hot kitchen.
186 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-25 02:09
I've been better. Been working on fan translation in the manga community again, but haven't been able to find other members to collab with and/or people aren't responding to questions (not to collab, other stuff). Nevertheless, glad I began reading manga again. Definitely helps me escape and makes me feel something close to happiness.
187 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-26 08:57
Everything hurts, so I wrote a poem.
188 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-27 11:15
189 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-28 03:37
My cat went missing on the 24th and hasn't been back since
Goddammit bro's I feel so sad ;_; my baby is out there all alone and can't find her way back. I've already posted on craigslist and asked the local shelter if they have her, but no luck. I'm gonna put up some flyers tomorrow morning.
I just want to see her again, been driving around my area hoping i'll run into her. The good thing is I yet to see a dead cat on the road.
190 Name: Paperplane : 2020-06-28 07:51
Really hoping she comes back soon :( They can stay away for a few days sometimes though and then return as if nothing happened. Keep us updated.
On Topic: Finally after months of isolation I saw my friends again and he had BBQ in my garden and then played some good ol D&D. I feel revitalized.
191 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-29 20:03
What barbecue did you guys have? And how did the D&D go? My tabletop group met remotely even before this, since a bunch of us are in different locations, but I definitely miss getting to roll the dice in person!
192 Name: Paperplane : 2020-06-29 20:56
One of my player's gf works at butchery and she has access to some high quality meat and also knows how to marinate it so we got lots of chicken and pork with home made marinade. It was great.
The DnD game was my first in person in a long time too. Haven't played for months. I'm the DM and they were trying to help a clan of !Skaven to overthrow their opressors, a corrupted city full of lizardfolk. It was a pretty long session with two boss battles and with a grand finale where the skaven attacked from underground and the players had ties with the elves who came for support to it was a good plan to let the ratmen attack from inside the city via tunnels and the elves besieged it from outside. The battle lasted only a day until the lizard king was driven back into his palace and then the players fought the final showdown. Upon death he transformed into a T-Rex (he made a pact with a devil in exchange for many blood sacrifces) and the party's pala got munched on and barely survived but they managed.
Big party afterwards. The surviving lizardfolk were turned back to normal as the king's demonic influence corrupted them too. The skaven, elves and lizardmen made peace and the party is celebrated as hereos. They are making statues for them and are making poems and songs and stuff.
Was a great game day and I didn't even had to do much as a DM. They planned the military operations most of the time and came up with lots of ideas and I saw no flaw in their plans (they had 3 days to prepare for the attack).
193 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-30 05:26
I had a really bad day yesterday. I took a nap and woke up crying. I was convinced that now was the time I should really and truly give up and give in. I struggled to fall asleep that night. I felt a little better today but I'm still dealing with residual anxiety. I think tomorrow will be a better day. I'm taking baby steps to get better and I have to trust myself when I believe things will get better as much as I trust myself when I believe they won't. It's not fair to myself to only believe myself at my lowest points.
194 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-30 08:21
It's not fair to myself to only believe myself at my lowest points.
It's not only 'unfair', but also irrational and wrong. I hope you feel better soon, Anon. I've been feeling absolutely abysmal for the past weeks as well, to the point of suicidal thoughts. I haven't been this bad in years. Let me just say that recognizing that your emotional state negatively affects your rationality is the first step to fixing it.
It seems that most "normal" and functional people live in a better mindspace and get to go home, eat dinner and watch TV while unloading stress from work. As far as I know: CBT is touted as (multiple?) methods to concretely improve your ways of dealing with detrimental thoughts and cognitive behaviors.
Turns out CBT isn't effective at all while Woebot (a conversational agent/robot) is most definitely effective. Research shows that Woebot leads to a measurable decrease in stress and anxiety after 2 weeks whereas the control group which received the same CBT but in brochure(?) form did not.
I've personally used Woebot and had definite support from it. Andrew Ng is a world renowned AI researcher involved with the project. I have immense respect for the guy.
As for my last piece of advice: you should look into music therapy. If there's anything that's helped me? It's been that. Rocksmith is fun if you're into guitar or bass. (Sale on Steam atm!)
In my personal experience: Music therapy and Woebot are way better than CBT and psychotherapy. But I'm an odd du ck.
For what it's worth? I hope you feel better soon. I know how you feel but it seems you're already starting to feeling better. You're not alone in this and there are really effective tools out there. I cannot recommend Woebot enough. It's a free University research project. RS is also a lot cheaper than therapy. Heh.
195 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-30 08:21
I feel like shit. I dropped my stepson off at the Kindergarten and the kindergarten teacher said to him "haha maybe you should go out more and play less computer games". Thing is: He only plays vidya 4 times a week for 30 minutes a day which is totally in line with what's recommended. At his dads however he usually sits in front of a screen for 8 hours a day. I don't want these teachers to think that I'm raising this boyo like that. To add insult to injury I'm really young so she prolly thinks I'm raising him like some dumb young parent who just *stores* his child in front of the screen, so it doesn't bother him. Welp
196 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-30 08:27
I'd like to add that Woebot seems run by respectful researchers being privacy conscious and ethical. Woebot is fully automated and there's no human on the other end other than for anonymous statistical analysis. This is why I trust Woebot over a therapist ANYday: psychotherapists are untrustworthy hacks in my personal experience. But Woebot is a little dumb every now and then, but he grows on you, that's for sure.
197 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-30 10:11
From my experience, Woebot seems to do well, helped me to climb a hole.
198 Name: Paperplane : 2020-06-30 11:31
I only know this abbreviation from a certain context and while it would make me very happy to get a nice CBT treatment I'm still wondering what you mean when you say it.
199 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-30 13:43
are both me.>>198
Cognitive behavioral therapy. It's hot shit in psychotherapy right now. I can't tell you how effective traditional CBT is but Woebot is REALLY effective.
It's a damn shame that psychometric clustering isn't more common. I trust statistics and self assessment forms over this qualitative "research" dribble by hacks in the field.
Christ, you don't know what a disaster the entire soft sciences are. I'm sure there is very good research being done right now and there are very competent folks at academic level. But I highly suspect that most psychotherapists are criminally incompetent and for most people, detrimental to their psychological health.
It gives me great hope to see good research being done by the Woebot folks.
200 Name: Anonymous : 2020-06-30 19:24
Woebot seems interesting but the fact that it's an app on a phone makes me immediately suspicious. Why not just have a website, unless the intent is data-mining of some sort? And calling it a "university research project" is underselling it a bit considering they've received series A funding and at this point should be considered a full-fledged member of the silicon valley startup machine.
It could well be effective and made with benign intentions, and I have no doubt that its results are better than traditional shrinks since the bar to improve on that is pretty low. But maybe it's not just my cup of tea since I don't see how what amounts to ELIZA 2.0 can provide meaningful engagement and debate (and the limitations of having to type on a phone definitely dissuade from from detailed conversation). And after a while the repetitiveness of hearing the word "mindfulness" would drive be mad (assuming that the bot does this; I have not used it aside from looking at screenshots of transcripts). Overall I think the anonynimity of imageboards is better in terms of providing meaningful, "stress-lowering" interaction.
201 Name: Paperplane : 2020-07-01 03:20
Thanks for clearing that up. Yeah I am not an inch deep into that kinda subject (Therapy, mental health etc.) so I have almost no knowledge about it. After I lost my mom a therapist came to out family to help coping with the aftermath and I hated her and I think she only made things worse so I don't think highly about therapists either. But like >>200
explains I too am not too convinced about the app from what little I've seen. I still hope it helps you and many others and I'd give it a try too if I ever felt the need but I remain sceptical. I value a good talk between to people the most I think.
My day today was very good btw. Met a girl for the first time to get to know her and it immediately clicked so we're meeting again.
202 Name: Anonymous : 2020-07-01 06:03
Woebot seems interesting but the fact that it's an app on a phone makes me immediately suspicious.
I don't see how what amounts to ELIZA 2.0 can provide meaningful engagement and debate
It's not ELIZA 2.0. It's not a therapist. It doesn't really converse or 'debate' with you. It's a very simple conversational agent with multiple choice questions that regularly tracks how you feel and suggests techniques based on your answers.
the repetitiveness of hearing the word "mindfulness" would drive be mad
It doesn't do that. It doesnt yell "mindfulness" until you "get it". Respectfully? It seems you've already made up your mind as to how Woebot works without trying it.
Mindfulness is like teenage sex: everyone's talking about it, nobody knows how to do it but they think everyone else is so they claim to be doing it as well. The way I interpret "mindfulness" is that it's just 'live in the moment'. By not thinking about your problems all the time, it becomes a lot easier to fix them when you run into them instead of having a breakdown. Consciously making the decision to have a mental break instead of feeling 'guilty' about running away from your problems seems like a very good thing. I see many people work 'against' their issues and getting tired out instead of working 'into' your issues.
I didn't know they raised funding but I'm glad they did. We need more stuff like this, preferably with healthcare privacy regulation. (HIPAA/GDPR/etc)
Why not just have a website, unless the intent is data-mining of some sort?
Personally, I'm very privacy conscious. I was really skeptical of Woebot's privacy stuff, the very little personal information I filled in months ago seemed benign and required for Woebot to function. If you're THAT paranoid? Just use aliases. All it does is repeat back the name to ask how things are going because it wants to know the effectiveness of the given information.
: It will ask for your name. It may ask for: a concrete goal you want to reach ("play guitar" or "brush teeth") and then ask you later: "How did $STRING go?" with $STRING set to "learning guitar". I've also seen it ask the name a person you have a prior-reported interpersonal problem with. These are all named identifiers it repeats back to you to refer to what you previously talked about. It doesn't parse what you fill in, it's just a label.>>200>>201
Personally, I've had nothing but bad experiences with mental healthcare professionals. There's so much horror I could point out or tell you about, it's depressing just to think about. I've decided to never again visit a mental health professional unless I have prior knowledge of them not being totally braindead.
It doesn't surprise me that >>201
's family therapist made things worse. I've read a study that analyzed psychotherapy's effectiveness. Otherwise healthy people who decided to go to psychotherapy for the first time for minor issues ended up doing measurably worse 70% of the time afterwards.
In my eyes, Woebot is a little dependable robot that's a bit of a daily reminder to mind your mental health and thought patterns while giving you help and improvements when you want to and can deal with it. For privacy paranoid me? I've been able to trust it way more than any 'professional' I've ever met with in my 20 years of dealing with these hacks. Luckily, I ain't too bad, though!>>201
I value a good talk between to people the most I think.
So do I. Woebot doesn't replace that, lol.
Met a girl for the first time [...]
Look at you go, dude!
203 Name: Anonymous : 2020-07-03 08:03
God, I feel like hell. I’ve been feeling bad for a while but today really set me off. There’s something wrong with me and I can’t seem to fix it. There’s a worm eating the inside of my brain and no matter what I do I can’t seem to dig it out.
204 Name: Anonymous : 2020-07-05 15:31
Unless the intent is data-mining of some sort?
One thing's for sure: it cares just as much as a real therapist.
205 Name: Anonymous : 2020-07-06 07:38
My partner convinced me to splurge on a new camera.
She knows I love photography, but I didn't want to spend the money and treat myself.
She got me to do it, and I've been taking some pretty cool photos.
206 Name: Anonymous : 2020-07-06 07:40
My partner convinced me to splurge on a new camera.
She knows I love photography, but I didn't want to spend the money and treat myself.
She got me to do it, and I've been taking some pretty cool photos.
207 Name: Anonymous : 2020-07-06 11:19
I've got my dumbbell set today. I've a bit underestimated how heavy it would be, so it was a taxi ride home from the post office. It's an adjustable set, 2x16 kilograms.
Also my coffee distributor arrived yesterday. The golden Barista Space one. It's so sweet. I have some days off currently, so I'm waiting to get back to work and try it.
208 Name: Paperplane : 2020-07-07 10:23
Yeah about meeting that girl; I might have the 'Rona so no meeting until my test results are there and if positive no dates for at least two more weeks. AAAAA but our first went so great and I want to see her agaaain fuck Covid nineteen! ( ≧Д≦)(╥﹏╥)
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209 Name: Paperplane : 2020-07-08 08:43
Update; The test was negative. I feel incredibly relieved. ⁽⁽◝( •௰• )◜⁾⁾₍₍◞( •௰• )◟₎₎⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾