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How's everyone doing today?
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282 days old
last post: Oct 22, 2020
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How's everyone doing today?

1 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 01:44
Just checking up on you anons, how's it going today?
I'll try posting here everyday if I can (or most), would be cool if you guys did too.
Today was pretty good, made some serious progress on an almost booru-type thing I'm writing, and talked with some friends. How was your day, anon?
2 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 02:29
I want to be positive and have good vibes but it's hard. It's probably the hardest thing.
3 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 13:25
I made a new friend today, she is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.
4 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 13:59
I'm fighting from getting sick. I'm not entirely feeling the best. But it seems like I won't get any worse, hopefully. I'm just sitting here listening to a new band that was introduced to me through conversation online.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D90AOhojK3M

I think I'm going to try to rest most of the day so that way I can build my strength up and not get sick. Might watch some anime or draw something.
5 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 14:43
I've been sewing for 5 hours.
6 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 15:32
>>3
That sounds great, it's always awesome to make a new friend.

>>5
What're you making?
7 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 15:43
>>3
I too have made a new friend recently who just so happens to also be one of the sweetest people I've ever met. We've grown rather close over the past two months or so.
8 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 16:33
I'm applying for a new job, want to get at least 50% salary increase, my current workplace is a dead-end. Just sent cv to 3 companies I'm interested in. I'm not very confident of my skills and I already failed one interview a few months ago, so it's pretty stressful.
9 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-14 21:47
>>8
Good luck, and try to relax
10 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-15 00:40
>>9
Thanks, I'll try.
11 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 16:43
Kinda rough to be honest. It'll be okay though, just gotta get through this little rough spot.
12 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 17:02
>>11
What's going on, something getting you down?
13 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 18:57
>>12
I thought I could carry someone's burdens for them. I have since learned I can't and now I need to find a way to tell them.
14 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 19:17
>>13
That shit's really difficult to deal with, especially when dealing with someone in a lot of physical or emotional pain, considering there's no way to really tell them without pain of some kind. I really hope you'll be able to figure this out and tell them in the least painful way.
15 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-16 19:35
>>14
I really hope you'll be able to figure this out and tell them in the least painful way.
Thanks anon, I'm hoping so too.
16 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-17 13:10
>>15
Update: Well, I did it. It wasn't easy, but they took it pretty well and are thankfully still willing to stay friends with me.
17 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-17 23:39
I googled my long lost best friend on a whim. He's a photographer now. The last time I saw him, I gifted him my film camera. He was taking another path in life and he was making so many excuses not to hang out, so it was my way of saying goodbye before leaving him alone.
He still uses the camera for the photos he posts on Instagram. It made me happy to see that.
18 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-18 12:43
>>17
I have a similar friend, but he became a politician. And the making excuses one was me.
19 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-18 13:54
>>17
I made sure I could never been found through a Google search for one of those exact reasons. I don't want people from my past to "google search" me to pry into my personal life at any given moment.
20 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-18 15:10
>>19
I agree, but I knew he had an Instagram so I don't think he'd mind if a stranger saw his feed.
21 Name: Paperplane : 2020-01-18 17:40
OMW to New Zealandy it's 24h of flight. London -> Hong Kong -> NZ.
Never traveled alone but gf left me December last year.
Wish me luck bois.
t. waiting at the airport
22 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-18 18:31
>>20
Yeah, I guess that's true. If I had to have an Instagram, I think I'd just use a pseudonym. What's people's thoughts here on that?
23 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-19 21:26
I finally took a nice walk and visited this cozy little pub in town. I wish I had the money to go for a drink every weekend, it really clears your mind.
24 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-21 15:20
Just received an email which I send myself 12 years ago, I was 15 back then. It was full of hopes and dreams for the future and I realized I didn't succeed in any of it. Heck even my younger self telling me that I better have finished school by now is a tough one to swallow.
Oh well, despite how I passive I lead my life all those years, things are now getting better through perseverance and effort.
25 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-22 10:11
Struggling with some inner demons but I've been working on my typing speed. I'm averaging up to 97 WPM now. So I guess I'm kind of happy with that anyways. Sorry I don't have anything else really to add. I'm kind of boring and I don't have much of an exciting life.
26 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-22 14:29
I am feeling weird because the font and possibly other things have changed here, at least for me.
27 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-22 18:57
I'm struggling to find the motivation to do all the work I have due next week. I haven't read anything this month (literature being my favorite hobby) because I can barely get out of bed, let alone do any activity that requires any amount of attention. I can only hope the rest of the year isn't as bad as these weeks have been.

>>24
I sincerely hope things get better for you anon
28 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-22 22:38
Things are okay today, it started out with me feeling some depression missing loved ones who are gone or out of my life now. But I'm going to find something to cheer me up this evening. Going to try a new kind of chips here in a bit as well. So that'll be a different experience anyways.
29 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 01:55
Procrastinating and feeling bad about it. Maybe tomorrow...
30 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 06:29
I'm doing alright, listening to some relaxing music, browsing around the interwebz for a bit. Thinking about fixing a bite to eat and finding something to watch. Might play a game or two then hit the bed.
31 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 06:30
>>29
What are you procrastinating over? I've definitely been there. I'm currently doing the same with cleaning my room. But I just don't know where to start.
32 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 13:23
>>31
Some time-sensitive work that I really shouldn't be pushing to the side, especially the way I do. I just lose track of time when I'm browsing the web/playing video games.
33 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-23 17:05
>>32
I'm terrible about that myself. Minutes easily turn into hours.
34 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 12:01
Everything and everyone ticks me off. I'm a walking ball of hatred. Again. Hate it when it happens. Don't know what to do with this.
35 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 12:40
I think I have stumbled upon the audio equivalent of an acid trip. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0866MeDOUh8
36 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 12:43
>>34
Same, but I love animals. I wish I could live in a hut in the forest.
37 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 13:29
>>34
Awareness is the first step, for me it is absolutely essential to focus my attention on things I enjoy but also I have to push myself to "accept" positive thoughts about things and people, and force myself to speak them out if possible. Else I too fall into a pit of hatred for everything around me.

Seek out things you like, seek out people you don't hate as much and give them a little compliment, even something small will do. You have to work on it constantly and keep your chin up and let things out of your control go.
38 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-24 21:19
i'm doing fine, hope you anons have a great day too
39 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-25 04:42
Rather late at night here, felt like shit since I did nothing all day.
40 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-25 05:04
about a 7
41 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-26 11:00
Better than yesterday. I hope today goes well.
42 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-27 04:06
I got a lot done this weekend but have been feeling a bit isolated. Comme ce comme ca or what have you.
43 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-28 07:12
Finally did some light cleaning around the house. Going to try to continue tomorrow. But for now I'm going to listen to some music and play a game here in a little bit.
44 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-28 11:42
Been drinking tiil morning.
Working a full shift right now.
It's raining cats and dogs outside.
The new waitress is lesbian.
I need a week off.
45 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-28 16:10
I'm exhausted and unfocused. My job is slowly sucking the life out of me. Although it might be easy on the whole, it's numbing to spend eight hours of my day doing very menial work.
46 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-28 21:27
I have never wanted to take a break from the internet this intensely, but the weather is terrible and I'm a bit sick. If only I had a bit of sun this would be the best time to finally distance myself. I can't fill this existential void online. I don't know what's out there for me in this city, but I know for sure I can't find what I need here.
The problem is I've isolated myself for so long, I might as well be in the same spot as an institutionalized convict. I don't want to go back to the shrinks, so how do I fix myself?

I think I'll go out no matter what tomorrow, even if it's storming. I think the first step in this plan should be to stop doing what I'm doing right now.
47 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-29 07:30
>>46
I've been isolated for a decade now. How long have you?
48 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-29 18:41
>>47
Same. I just came back home.
49 Name: Anonymous : 2020-01-31 06:57
I have some pain in my right side of my chest along with difficulties breathing. I feel extremely weak and fatigued along with my eyes feeling very dry with them bloodshot.
50 Name: Paperplane : 2020-01-31 07:06
>>49
Dude, go see a doc.
51 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-01 12:18
>>49
>>50
If they have a stroke I'll never forgive them.
52 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-01 22:13
>>50
>>51
I'm still alive. I started feeling a little bit after a good night's sleep but I'm still not 100%. I feel more bloated than anything else. Either way I think I'm going to schedule a doctor's appoint on Monday if there's no improvements during the rest of the weekend. Either way I'll be going back soon for some more bloodwork I'm supposed to follow up on. Also kind of worried about my prostate. I've been frequently having semen in my urine and also have been more or less ejaculating more frequently while I poop if it's large or a lot coming out. Sorry for the TMI.
53 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-03 05:04
I've noticed that an increasing number of people on Twitter use the term "emotional labor." They say it means that someone talking to you about emotional stuff is laborious, but to me that just sounds like something a sociopathic narcissist would say.

What kind of friend are you if you won't even listen to them talk about their feelings and emotions? Ever heard of being a supportive friend?

If you call your friends talking to you about things that aren't all sunshine and roses "emotional labor" then you're not really friends with them to begin with.

It my friend is going through a rough time, I don't mind if they vent to me. Friendship is a two-way street. You help them out when they're struggling and they'll do the same for you.
54 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-03 05:25
>>53
It my friend is going through a rough time, I don't mind if they vent to me. Friendship is a two-way street. You help them out when they're struggling and they'll do the same for you.
No one could have put it in better words. That's exactly the truth. I hate how people have become now days. They want to vent about their problems but when the tables are turned and someone comes to them. They don't want any part of it. It's very sad what friendships and society has truly become. But that's probably one of the many reasons why we spend our times on anonymous outlets instead of on social media.
55 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-03 17:27
I had to reformat my PC because I purposely deleted files that I was unaware of being required for my PC to function.

I thought I looked up enough information on the folder, many sources told me it was just a backup of every windows10 update your PC downloaded and installed so I figured "well if it's a backup i don't need it". My computer wouldn't boot properly once I force shutdown (since it wouldn't shut down correctly either) and I just reformatted.

Thankfully I keep all of my storage on separate drives from the C: so the only stuff lost was some links in my browsers and all the passwords I saved. All my games, music and anime are all still mostly intact so it could be a lot worse. However I also lost some of the torrent files of anime that I was seeding, and some of them I was one of the only seeders so I'm gonna have to track those down.
56 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-03 21:18
Been trying to keep a positive mindset and put in the effort to make my life better.
Still, at some points I can't help but feel a bit hopeless at times, especially as the years go by without seeing the change I want.
Especially today I felt particularly down, been trying to move out of my parents house but I can't find a place, also getting a bit annoyed with my job so I might start looking for something else.
And then there's the yearning for a partner and some affection which is really breaking me up lately.
The thing is, I can't figure out what I should do to make the change I need. I keep pondering and puzzling about what to do but nothing comes of it and the frustration grows bigger, I don't even know where to go for help with these things.

Maybe I'll get a fresh insight and bright idea tomorrow.
57 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 00:14
>>56
I think getting a new place should come first and then the new job, because it sucks getting a really nice job but then the place you want to live in is further than you like. With the place out of the way, you know which area you want your job to be in.
58 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 09:02
>>57
Yeah that was my plan initially, two years ago.
The thing is, I can't afford to buy anything since it's too expensive and I don't earn enough, then there's social housing, I signed up for that but it's going to take years before you make a chance of getting anything because there's too many people in need and way too few houses available.
It's driving me nuts, my parents understand the situation and they force me to leave but my life is stagnating because of it.
59 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 16:43
>>58
Have you considered splitting the cost with a roommate? Maybe you can make a couple of advertisements on a couple internet boards. Who knows, maybe somebody if your country/state wants to move into your area but doesn't have a place in mind yet.

If you really want to, you could even post craigslist lol. But I would trust 4channers sooner than someone on craigslist.
60 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 18:12
4shit is being mentioned here too often lately.
61 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 19:15
>>60
Sadly a whole lot of lesser boards have been linked on it.
62 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 19:48
>>60
I'm not going to pretend I don't browse it. To be totally honest, I don't even remember how I got here but it definitely wasn't from 4chan. I believe it was from 4-ch because I was initially looking for that textboard in particular and that one opened the doors elsewhere. But to think you can't browse both for different experiences and maintain separate manners is silly. Yes, I prefer all of the textboards I visit but after I read everything, I still need stuff to read while I work and 4chan fills that need. If textboards were more active, I'd hardly go there but then you and others would have different complaints anyway.
63 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 20:35
>>62
Someone who's interested in watching teenagers posting "memes" and calling each other fags doesn't have too much in common with this board in my opinion. Or someone who does these things too and then comes here for friendly talks. Do what you want, of course. Not pretending is important.
64 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-04 21:01
>>63
I just like to talk sincerely and receive sincere responses like right now. I can only get the second part here.
65 Name: Paperplane : 2020-02-06 03:40
>>62
>>64
I'm with you mate. He wouldn't be able to tell where a poster here also posts/lurks unless that user would explicitly tell him anyway. To require someone to lurk/post only one or a few places in the entire internet is a wierd expectation. I can understand that people dislike crossposting (i.e. behaving in place X like you're in place Y) but you weren't doing that. Admitting that you do lurk place Y isn't crossposting. I mean I post on secluded Hikkiboards despite having a GF and a job but they can't tell because I adapt. And as long as I don't stick out like a sore thumb I don't see why anyone would mind.
66 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-06 06:39
I'm slowly going into a nervous breakdown.
67 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-07 02:48
>>66
Get a nice rest, anon. That's what I do, Go to sleep and turn off the alarm clock (if you want). Unplug from the bad habits a bit.
68 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-07 22:28
I'm doing okay today, been trying to stay positive despite everything crumbling around me. That image with the dog in the kitchen surrounded by fire saying "This is fine" sums up my life perfectly right now.
69 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-08 05:02
Doing pretty good so far, going to try to be productive for the rest of the day.
70 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-08 14:43
I had no motivation to draw in the past few weeks and now I've rusted badly. I need a new project to work on or I'll stagnate and lose all my progress.
71 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-08 21:12
Drinking again. Today with my ex-coworker. He's a barmen, I'm a barista, we're friends with the owner, who stands behind the bar. To the left from us are sitting two barmens, one male and one female, from a restaurant nearby. All but one of us is working at the same street.
I've had my first steak just now.
It's comfy here.
72 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-09 20:18
Just sitting here listening to some music, about to get a shower, eat something, and fix some coffee to get comfy for the evening. I guess all is well for the time being.
73 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-10 08:39
I'm wishing my skin would stop drying out really bad as well as start cracking up like crazy.
74 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-11 05:04
It's sunrise. There are nights like tonight where I can't lay down or I feel like I'm having a heart attack, so I have to get up and deal with racing thoughts on top of this scary pounding heart.

I just had this flashback from high school, when this kid's parents decided we shouldn't hang out anymore. I was a 'bad influence'. My grades were pretty bad. I was having health problems but this pattern happened many times.

It struck me how obvious it must've been at the time that I would have never amounted to anything, for it to actually happen decades later. That kid is a physicist now. I struggled, I really struggled to achieve many things but I achieved none. I just couldn't get there for one reason or the other.

Summing up my life and the efforts I've made I can only believe that the whole world committed an injustice against me, or that a few very kind people spared me what was obvious all along and gave me a chance anyway before they got tired. I think I should go with the most reasonable story.

I am pretty sure I'm deep into psychosis because I don't know what is real anymore. I don't know who I am, what kind of person I look like. I don't know the truth about my personal history, why things happened the way they happened. I've been told by professionals that episodes in my story meant things that I thought they didn't mean. Suddenly my story was different, often heavier and more personal but increasingly less of my story.

Despite what is happening right now, I always had the comfort of believing that I had an authentic, functional past, and things simply got out of control at some point in time. But that past disintegrates every time I look at it or analyze it or talk about it.
I'm not sure I can handle the crushing realization that I was horribly damaged from the very beginning, and the very seeds were spoiled, and everything that grew, despite all the care and effort was doomed to be stunted and twisted and never reach as high or bear any fruits. I'm denied even the comfort of blaming somebody who took part to the story, or even myself for laziness, or another character flaw.

I'll go make coffee.
75 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-11 05:08
>>74
Sorry for the long and stressful post. I regret littering the board like this.
76 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-13 11:10
>>74
>>75
You're alright, I don't consider it a littering post at all. I can relate with you a lot. I believe I'm suffering from a lot of similar things as you anon. I was always treated in the same manner growing up as a "bad influence" and often wouldn't be allowed to hang out with friends that I had outside of school. Now I have no friends and haven't amounted to anything wasting away with life passing me by in my early 30s. I'm probably dealing with psychosis myself as I question reality almost on a daily basis now. I'm not sure I was ever a functional human being at this point as well. I have extreme paranoia episodes on a daily basis where I'll literally freak out thinking that something is out to get me then I lay in the floor crying for anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour. I've thought about trying to seek out help as I'm not able to hold a job for more than a few weeks then taking months to even years without even looking for another one. This isn't a stable life to life and I'm more a burden to those willing to support me than anything else. Also who knows how much longer this can continue...
77 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-13 11:55
>>76
I had only one hope and that hope was art, I had a really strong passion for it and I worked really hard at it since I had the first major depressive episode and was diagnosed with a chronic illness that made my future uncertain. I said fuck it, let's go with it and chase a dream. If I work hard I'll make it.

Art was pretty much what gave me purpose so far but as the years went by I realized that I started too late and I just had no talent. Today I'm not half as skilled as people much younger than me, sometimes even teenagers. They just draw nicer looking stuff and have a better grasp on what they're doing. Nobody even likes the concept of my drawings or my taste in general. There's not a single thing that makes me think I'll manage to touch anybody or communicate anything with my work. So for the past years I ended up crying over paper every time I picked up a pencil. This was the only thing that gave me joy and now it's torture. I barely manage to finish anything.

When people say that talent is just hard work, it's bullshit. They'll say if you fail you've been lazy. It doesn't matter how much you work, if you don't have talent you will never compete. You might only get where a talented person got if they didn't put in the work, but why wouldn't they? Talented people get encouragement and rewards because what they make shines, so they'll work hard by default. If after years your work still sucks, people won't say a thing about it, or they will berate you. The further you chase this delusion the more alone and invisible you'll be and the less valid your claims and history will become. You're just phased out to make room for the survivors and what you say is just noise behind the parade of winners.
I've been drawing less and less because of how painful it is to face how inept I am and how much better everyone else is. I know I'm an idiot and entitled for being uncompromising on the things I draw and looking down on what a lot of other people do, or thinking that they're wasting their talent on things I dislike. I have no right to make it the hard way when people way better than me have to compromise. The only comfort I had was lying to myself and trying to put the blame on other things. I even tried to buy into the gaslighting and think that I actually didn't work hard enough.

I already have everything set up to kill myself, but I'm holding on until a person in my family is dead so I don't cause too much of a mess. I've been littering a lot of places while I wait, like a ghost who's stuck in a behavioral loop and repeats the same shit until someone exorcises it.
This is probably enough to doxx me but I don't care anymore. I hope I'll manage to stop posting this shit, or at least have the sensibility to link a post instead of passing this straight faced copypasta and wasting everyone's time.

Again sorry for the not comfy post, I think I'll leave this board.
78 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-13 17:29
>>77
This is probably enough to doxx me
I have to say, I was having some dejavu reading your couple of posts.
I've heard from other artists that you're never supposed to compare your art to anyone else, for the exact reason that you mentioned. If you create for your own personal enjoyment (may not be the act of creating, but maybe the act of putting emotions on paper in a non-writing form for example), you can hopefully be able to create again.
Have you considered a different medium too? Different styles might require different tool so maybe paint, charcoal, or whatever else can be used to create instead of just pencils.
79 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-13 20:03
>>78
If you create for your own personal enjoyment
I create art for my personal enjoyment and that's probably the issue because I only want to make things I like without compromising and I would like to draw all my life 24/7 so I want it to be my identity and my job, not a hobby. I think art is about communication, if enjoying the act of drawing were enough to be happy I would be happy. But to me it doesn't end with the thing I make, I'm trying to reach other to people but in my case people just don't like what I do. If I try to adapt and make popular things that people like I stop liking art. So it's nobody's fault.
Sadly this is not like working out, you don't get automatic rewards that you can see in the mirror except you get better at drawing. And that's important and gratifying but it's not my end goal.
I didn't look at other people's art much so I'm not making comparisons. If anything I like very little art made by others despite being painfully aware they're much more skilled than me.

All in all I'm just entitled because I don't deserve any of this. If I were amazing at drawing I could have tried teaching but I'm not even close to amazing despite the amount of practice I did, and I don't have the personality to be entertaining nor the business sense, I'm reclusive as hell.
I just want this thing really badly my own way, no strings attached, and I cannot force myself out of the box or find a way to make it work or I feel just as miserable as if I quit.
80 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-16 17:25
I just realized I still miss my first ex, and all the other girls were replacements for her. Maybe if I were more well adjusted and put more effort in our relationship she would have stayed. I can't imagine what she would think of me right now.
81 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-17 05:33
Trying to work on my mental state and let go of the past.
82 Name: Paperplane : 2020-02-17 08:15
>>80
2 and a half years ago, I got back together with my ex who appears to have had a similar position to me than your ex has to you. I really wanted her back and compared other girls to her all the time. Well we tried but December we broke up again. In 7 years our personalities changed too much and we just don't fit together anymore.
So my conclusion is that you probably should forget about your ex. I know that this is a useless advice but it's most likely good advice nonetheless.

After the failed attempt I'm now moving on. Living alone in my place feels wierd since I have never lived completely alone. First with family and then I always had a gf in my place. Glad I still have my cat though.
83 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-17 09:09
>>80
So you were in relationships with girls you weren't in love with? Why do this to yourself and other people?
84 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-17 09:50
>>83
Why do you assume that? I loved the other girls, I just looked for the same kind of fulfillment in the relationship.
85 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-18 15:08
Could be better, could be worse. I feel like today is just going to be one of those days...
86 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-19 08:57
>>80
Just as >>82 mentioned. After so many years your personalities will have changed too much especially if you were still pretty young (i.e. teenager/young adult). I also returned to a relationship with the girl I lost my virginity with dwelling on the past so much after we broke up and the next few relationships I was in ended in disaster. Thinking to myself things would be better in my life if I could have a second chance to do things right with her. Plus I really wanted to again be with the one that I chose to give myself to. Which we ended up getting back together 6 years later. Things was nice at first and we were instantly drawn together physically, but that was it. After the spark of reuniting ended, our relationship fell apart. Our personalities changed completely, she wanted kids, I didn't, she wanted me to be more of "a man" to take care of her in a traditional sense, and I was way too young to settle down in the manner she wanted. Our interests weren't aligned anymore on what really brought us together in the first place from the past. Which was anime and video games, she ended up "growing out of them". We also grew apart due to political and spiritual differences. Keep in mind this wasn't even the current state of shit either as this was in the very early 2010s.

But what I'm trying to say tl;dr, people grow apart and change after many years away from one another as well as generally change throughout the years shaping as well as finding themselves as other people later in life.
87 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-19 19:16
I finally started learning how to drive, I'm pretty stoked about that. I live in a place where it's nearly impossible to do much of anything without a vehicle. I've become a shut in as a result, and it's been taking a toll on my mental health. Looking forward to the future.
88 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-20 06:06
>>87
I know the feeling. I'm in the exact situation and needing to start learning how to drive. Every time in the past that I've tried it's failed or went terribly wrong. I don't know how to get over my fears of driving or to adapt to my poor depth perception. I almost go into ditches or hit other cars every time I make a turn. I also panic way too much.
89 Name: Paperplane : 2020-02-20 08:49
>>87
Congrats bro. I associate a license with a very liberating feeling because now you can go wherever you want whenever you want and listen to your favourite music while doing so.

On Topic:
I'm currently going through what I can only describe as a quarter life crisis. I'm turning 25 next month and my ex-gf broke up with me just before Christmas. We've been living together for 2 and a half years and she moved out at the end of January. Now I'm solo for ~2 months and I've never been solo for that long for 8 years because I always was in a relationship some way or another.

Now I'm alone in my place where my ex used to live and she took with her all the plants and the decor and some household stuff and now my flat looks very empty which intensifies the feeling on loneliness I'm currently experiencing.
My self esteem suffered quite a bit from the break up and my receeding hairline isn't doing that any favours, too.

I feel like I will never get a girlfriend again and I know that these thoughts are very irrational but I can't help it, they just permeate my mind regularly. Right now I'm looking for a girl, I don't even crave sex or a relationship, just holding hands/hugging would be enough to smother the loneliness but I'm aware that these wants are very... dishonest (?) and that's why I feel ashamed for even having them.

Two days ago I was at a female co-worker's place and we're only very casual friends but I couldn't help but interpret more into this casual hang out (we built costumes for a party and then cooked together) even though I have no objective clue to base my interpretations on - it's just my emotional state longing for intimacy.

I am very confused and angry about these feelings and desires because they only bring trouble and discomfort.
90 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-21 15:17
I haven't been able to sleep. Feeling a bit paranoid being home alone today and knowing I'll be by myself tonight as well.
91 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-22 08:12
I ended up handling myself pretty well without really being overwhelmed with paranoia. Honestly I was more worried about dropping blueberries in the floor than being home alone earlier.
92 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-23 00:22
I have been having troubles with anxiety related to my upcoming graduation from university. I can't really determine what I want to do when i get out.
93 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-29 13:00
I'm doing okay, it's cold outside. I'd say my area is getting it's final Winter heavy snow before Spring. I'm about to have some coffee and just take today to stay warm as well as relax before having to find a new job next week.
94 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-01 08:27
>>89
Update!
At said party (just a thing at work, nothing wild) which was on thursday I asked around my coworkers that I have lunch with every day if anyone wanted to hang out on the weekend. Of course I hoped that primarily she would want to but I asked the whole group to not appear too pushy. She said that she had time on sunday and so we agreed to meet.
This time we were hanging out at my place and we watched two movies together and cooked dinner inbetween. Now this might sound like sparks were already flying between us but that day was kinda awkward. We sat next to each other on the couch but within safety distance. We didn't touch once and it just felt like two very platonic friends just sitting there. She arrived very early, at 11 am and after the 2nd movie we talked a little bit longer but about nothing serious and around 7.30pm she left.

This frustrated me. I did enjoy the time with her but from my experience, girls don't just come over to your place to watch movies and cook with you but she made it seem like it was really just that and that she was only there because I asked her to. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect us to have sex or anything, but SOME sign of her interest in me would've been great for my self esteem, you know?

That was on sunday 7 days ago. In the following week we had lunch at work together as usual and by sheer coincidence the other coworkers we usually meet up with weren't around and we had 2 or 3 days it was just the two of us again. These lunch breaks were valuable, because we talked a lot more than usual and I felt her slowly warming up to me (which is kinda ironic, given that we've been having these lunch breaks together for more than two years now). I'm fasting at the moment and she's a vegetarian anyway so I loosley suggested that we can check out a vegetarian restaurant in our city someday. But this time I didn't want to be the initiator again because I wanted to know if the desire to meet outside of work is a mutual one.
And would you look at that: Next tuesday is our birthday (yeah, we were born on the same day) and yesterday she asked me if I had plans on that day and if not if we could go to said restaurant together.

Bois, I think I've been asked out on a date and I am extremely happy right now. This is exactly the kind of boost my ego needed, plus I'm having a date with a girl I like.
95 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-01 13:52
>>94
Good luck to you man, I hope that all goes well. I personally don't even know how to set up a date at this point in my life. I'm literally opposed/against almost every aspect of society when it comes to dating. The movies is a scam, I'd much rather torrent or stream something from home. Dining is shit as well as tipping culture being the most digusting thing I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I don't know how to cook so, there goes that idea. Can't ask her to cook for us. I don't want to fail in my investment to be romantic to not get exactly what I want or in question what I expect that which I'm "paying for". Plus it just seems like paying a prostitute at that level. I don't have my license or a own a vehicle because I'm against the scam of car ownership being a capitalistic trap. I hate normies and don't want to be around them. So living in the area that I do where everyone is a retarded normie, I have no friends to depend on for transportation or "double dates" to ease into a situation. I also hate consumerism, I don't want to hang out at the damn mall or anything like that. I just think to myself, I'd rather visit a thrift store, yard sale, flea market, or check out some very very cheap deals online if I absolutely need something. Which is rare because I normally don't have extra money. Being a frugal "freeter" and on your own is a hard life.
96 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-01 21:49
>>95
Thanks!
Yeah I can see why you're just not the kind of person to go on a traditional date. Nothing wrong with that.
Let me reply to your points anyway;
The movies is a scam, I'd much rather torrent or stream something from home.
Then you could still invite her over. And I wouldn't call them a scam per se, there's still movies worth to be seen on the big screen (Mad Max: Fury Road comes to mind). But it has gotten quite expensive over the years, I must admit. But I have a local, independent cinema in my small town. They don't get the movies on release date most of the time but they're much more affordable than the big chains in the city.
Dining is shit
What makes you say that?
tipping culture being the most digusting thing I've ever witnessed in my entire life
Are you American? I heard they have it the worst and then I could see why you'd hate it.
I don't know how to cook so, there goes that idea. Can't ask her to cook for us.
Tell her that you don't know how to cook but she can teach you.
I don't want to fail in my investment to be romantic to not get exactly what I want or in question what I expect that which I'm "paying for". Plus it just seems like paying a prostitute at that level.
I could see why you feel that way. For me an actual date like eating at a restaurant is more about the commitment and the "officialness" of it all, you know? If you hang out at someone's place it could still be considered casual and meaningless but taking someone out for dinner for example feels more serious.
I don't have my license or a own a vehicle because I'm against the scam of car ownership being a capitalistic trap.
Sorry for assuming again but this also kinda sounds like an American problem to me.
I hate normies and don't want to be around them. So living in the area that I do where everyone is a retarded normie, I have no friends to depend on for transportation or "double dates" to ease into a situation.
Yeah that sounds shit. But what can I say, you'd probably call me a normie if you met me so I can't really make a judgement here.
I also hate consumerism, I don't want to hang out at the damn mall or anything like that. I just think to myself, I'd rather visit a thrift store, yard sale, flea market
I know lots of girls who're into that stuff. Yeah most of them are probably "art hoes" following a trend but some of them are genuine I think. What I'm trying to say is that there's girls you could go on unconventional dates with that don't include any of the things you mentioned above. Just going outside for a walk into nature for exmaple is completely free and can still be very romantic. The corny ass walk on the beach comes to mind. Not that everyone has a beach in their vicinity but you get the idea.
Being a frugal "freeter" and on your own is a hard life.
It doesn't make conventional dating easier, at least. But as I said, I don't think you'd even want a regular "normie" girl since you made some alternative life choices so you'd need a girl that shares your views. Probably rare but out there.
97 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-01 22:09
>>53
A lot of the high speed "social media" websites like Twitter foster this kind of narcissistic behaviour. The platforms thrive on it.
98 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-02 14:26
>>96
Sorry for going on a "bitching spree". But yeah, I'm an American. I hate it, absolutely hate it. I also don't have public transportation in my area. Forgot to mention that. But yeah, I agree with you on a lot of what you replied with. I just have to take into count my alternative lifestyle and choices when implenting the ideas behind dating or involving myself with a girl or friend for that matter in any given circumstance.
99 Name: Paperplane : 2020-03-02 15:55
>>98
Haha don't worry, I don't mind if someone wants to blow off some steam once in a while. Yeah I heard about your public transport situation, basically if you don' own a car your fucked. Central Europe, Germany to be precise is way more forgiving as long as you live in or near a city and given how densely populated the country is that's almost always the case.
100 Name: Anonymous : 2020-03-02 16:29
>>99
Yeah, I've always felt like I'd fit in more with a European or Asian country. Sadly now there's tons of fears running rampant about coronavirus. So even if I one day could possibly become fluent in another given language there's more pressing concerns around the corner. Along with mass immigration, crime, violence, and all the rest of the worlds problems. Almost seems like we're fucked no matter where we are these days.

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