It's not fair to myself to only believe myself at my lowest points.
It's not only 'unfair', but also irrational and wrong. I hope you feel better soon, Anon. I've been feeling absolutely abysmal for the past weeks as well, to the point of suicidal thoughts. I haven't been this bad in years. Let me just say that recognizing that your emotional state negatively affects your rationality is the first step to fixing it.
It seems that most "normal" and functional people live in a better mindspace and get to go home, eat dinner and watch TV while unloading stress from work. As far as I know: CBT is touted as (multiple?) methods to concretely improve your ways of dealing with detrimental thoughts and cognitive behaviors.
Turns out CBT isn't effective at all while Woebot (a conversational agent/robot) is most definitely effective. Research shows that Woebot leads to a measurable decrease in stress and anxiety after 2 weeks whereas the control group which received the same CBT but in brochure(?) form did not.
I've personally used Woebot and had definite support from it. Andrew Ng is a world renowned AI researcher involved with the project. I have immense respect for the guy.
As for my last piece of advice: you should look into music therapy. If there's anything that's helped me? It's been that. Rocksmith is fun if you're into guitar or bass. (Sale on Steam atm!)
In my personal experience: Music therapy and Woebot are way better than CBT and psychotherapy. But I'm an odd du ck.
For what it's worth? I hope you feel better soon. I know how you feel but it seems you're already starting to feeling better. You're not alone in this and there are really effective tools out there. I cannot recommend Woebot enough. It's a free University research project. RS is also a lot cheaper than therapy. Heh.