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9 replies
264 days old
last post: Mar 1, 2016


1 Name: Anonymous : 2015-06-10 14:03
I used to frequent the various iterations that this board and its members has gone through. I stumbled upon this old memory just now thanks to my bookmarks on my old laptop, while coincidentally listening to the piano version of Rainbow from the ARIA Piano Collection. Immediately, I thought back to who I was around three/four years ago. I couldn't quite remember how long ago it was, but it didn't matter. I realised how much had changed in my life and how I feared every part of it. I started wondering about my life choices and such. Honestly, I'm chasing what was once my dream, but I can't let go of the past and I'm not sure if I want to. Although the future holds many memories to come, I'm perfectly fine the way it is now. Being able to spend my time with friends, reminiscing about the past we went through together, is perhaps the greatest gift I have been granted in my life.

I don't know where I wanted to go with this post. Perhaps it has become somewhat of a rant. But I don't want to reflect on it, I just want to get this off my chest. I used to wonder what the word melancholy entailed and I remember fondly how I used to google a proper definition, but not quite understanding the feeling. But, I think I realise how it feels now.
2 Name: Anonymous : 2015-06-10 22:02
I haven't kept in touch with my friends, because I somehow developed an extreme aversion to social networks and stuff, like extreme anxiety to posting my face and stuff online, I just can't do it unless it's anonymous. In addition I become more and more afraid of them being angry if I called them or something out of the blue after an X number of months, which then turned into an X number of years.
Do you think they'll be mad if I contact them after 5 or 6 years? I really do miss them, and I yearn for that past reminiscense with old buddies that you talk about. Obviously I can't explain this anxiety stuff to them, I don't think they'll understand, I can hardly expain it myself.
3 Name: Anonymous : 2015-06-11 17:28
I somehow developed an extreme aversion to social networks and stuff, like extreme anxiety to posting my face and stuff online, I just can't do it unless it's anonymous
Same here.
Do you think they'll be mad if I contact them after 5 or 6 years?
Mad? No. But they might not care as much about you as you care about them. I did something like that. They barely remembered me and had new friends (and some of them even had families). We hung out a couple times but it was clear that they had moved on with their lives and weren't that interested in staying in touch. I cut off contact with them and it's my fault that I didn't keep my friendship active in their brains.
4 Name: Anonymous : 2015-06-13 06:27
moved on
That's the worst. The best friends I ever had were in high school, and if I run into one of them now, we don't have much to say to each other.
Growing up sucks.
5 Name: Anonymous : 2015-06-17 00:59
I have a very simple mantra which is to be able to let go.

Originally it was for my room since I got into the whole minimalist thing when I started high school for some odd reason. Anyway, over time I've been able to refine that mantra to basically fit a lot of aspects in my life.

Mostly with stuff as I avoid anything that is "sentimental" and just keep things that I can easily replace. Anyway, what I am trying to go with this is that you must all learn to let go of the past. That leaves you with either the present or the future. Normally you'll switch your attention to the future as anxiety takes over once the realization that the past is gone hits.

But that is not the endgame. The endgame is for you to learn to embrace the present. Personally after almost a decade since my foray into the whole "minimalism" thing i am beginning to transition into embracing the present.

For some reason once I started doing that my past mistakes don't bother me as much. The future doesn't worry me too much either. You just try to live your life day by day. Of course, I don't mean for you to forget everything but just accept that you yourself is your life.

Not your friends from the past.
Not your stuff.
Not your future successes.

The here and now is what matters.
6 Name: Anonymous : 2015-06-17 02:31
you sound like my therapist
7 Name: Anonymous : 2016-03-01 04:15
Can't believe it's been more than six months already. I had to google my own post, heh. But I still feel like I should write a follow up? It's a bit cathartic, I guess.

Yesterday I found out on a weekly publication that my highschool buddy's dad died. He was murdered. He was a bit of a local emninensce where I live, with a suprisingly colorful past, so I'm not surprised I heard about it on the news.

This time I had to bear all my anxiety and actually write to him. I could only muster a few sentences, I'm not really good at writing about death. In hindsight though, my fear of rejection was really silly. It's like reality suddenly arrives like a wrecking ball and smashes the menial and insignificant. Or maybe my anxiety was just a justification for my indolence and indifference. Who knows, maybe I'm just a coward.

He finally answered my email a couple of hours ago. He told me he'd always be my friend, which gave me a knot in the pit of my stomach.
He confessed that he had a bit of trouble getting into the college he wanted to. I admire him for not giving up on his dream though. He also mentioned that I'm probably working already and that I might even have a family. I guess I should tell him that I'm definitely more timid than that.

I feel bad that the only way I could manage to get in touch with him was after such a horrible thing happened. I could've written an email so long ago.
But I also wanted him to know that he was still in my mind after all these years, especially when he's at his bleakest.

I truly wish him the best.

Thanks for reading this shit, whoever you are.
8 Name: Anonymous : 2016-03-01 05:17
Keep in touch with him! Help him get through this. I don't think that it'll turn out badly.
9 Name: Anonymous : 2016-03-01 12:35
It may or may not be relevant to you, but I found this article really helped convince me to get in touch with friends I hadn't seen in a while (admittedly not too long, but the worry about what they'd think since I'd left it that long was building up).



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