I do not know.
For some reason, being called a man and having a penis makes me feel sad. I feel intense jealousy whenever I see females and I want to be one of them.
I think it's a mental disorder or something, but it's very real to me.
Whenever my girlfriend or a family member calls me by my preferred (female) name or addresses me with 'she', I feel extremely happy and reaffirmed. Wearing make up and looking in the mirror, almost seeing a woman looking back, makes me feel the same kind of happiness.