It probably seems a bit anticlimactic, but the sadness almost seems irrational in itself.
I'll try clearing up the feelings with a metaphor: Have you ever worn an outfit or had a haircut or had excess weight, looked at yourself, and thought "This looks wrong. This isn't me"? That's sort of what I get when I look at my body in the mirror. When I look down at my naked body and focus on my penis, it's like it's not supposed to be there. Like it's a mistake.
I'm used to being addressed as a male, but it somehow feels particularly more 'correct' when someone addresses me as female.
And I'm not simply doing this because women have more clothing options, I'm purely focusing on the social aspect of others viewing me as female.
Through medication I'm currently suppressing testosterone production in my body and replacing it with estrogen, and that has caused my muscles to decrease in strength. I do feel weaker, more fragile. It does somewhat scare me to be in this vulnerable position - and maybe it's the mental disorder aspect - but I feel like it's worth it.
Let it be very clear though that is not some perverted fantasy of mine to be a weak girl. I do exercises to retain my muscles since I do not want to be frail.
All this being said, I have no idea what the life of a normal woman is like. I am not socialized like that nor did I experience growing up like that. I could be romanticizing my future too much, but for some reason I still prefer being a weird freak of nature to being a regular man. Admittedly, I sometimes doubt myself and ask myself what I'm really doing to myself, but all of my other feelings (both good and sad) reaffirm for myself that this is the life I want in the end.
Men do have a certain beauty to them, I agree.
Personally though, I have always found feminine men the most attractive.