>>23
A bunch of people do in my area or at least from my own personal experiences in the past. I agree, it's always pointless for the most part and feels "out of place" like it has complete irrelevance. No need to be forced to talk to someone just because you two may pass by each other out of nowhere. I understand having mannerismd as well as to not be rude. But you don't have to go out of your way to make someone else feel uncofortable and even worse to put them down if said person doesn't get the initial response they were looking for. I feel as if I'm quite the same to a certain degree. Oddly enough I always feel much more comfortable talking to people who seem like the outcasts or not the societal norm here. At least in the past when I was more socially active and got out more. I seemed like I could bring people out of their shell and it helped me find a better place mentally with opening up, but those days are long gone lost without a way to return due to the tides of time. I do need to work towards being open with others in real life, I think focusing on deeper conversations online isn't a bad idea or at least for now to practice. As I haven't even been able to do that for a good while. I'm enjoying writing out responses in length on here even though others may find it pretentious. Which I hope I'm not coming across as considering that's not my intentions. I've also been stuck on this idea that I need to work on a routine and stick to it almost as a machine with a prewritten coded schedule in place with the slightest bit of disturbance or anything that doesn't belong causes a "malfunction" within my mental state to cause me to breakdown for the rest of the day. I've tried out Discord, there's things I like and dislike about it. Mostly I just lurked about trying to learn what I could, then quit using it for various reasons such as privacy concerns, and feeling out of place like I can't belong to most server communities I stumbled across. But I've done that with so many other websites, imageboards, and textboards alike. I've been an observer on the internet for so long and absorbed an insane amount of information, knowledge, entertainment, and some of the most useless wastes of time you could possibly imagine. Thank you for the wishes, this has been a bad place for way too long now. I'm ready to start the next chapter in my life and I'm really hoping things start to pick up with each page turned. My life hasn't really had much positivity in it or anything of spirit boosting equivalence for a long time. So the "dulling" effects are most definitely present.

>>24
I used to have a problem with something similar I'd inflict self-harm through cutting, hitting myself, and other various methods to induce physical pain just to feel something different or to feel that if things were really still real. I know it sounds like an episode for a teenager but still the same I went through it. I know it's not exactly the same, but I can understand the hollow nature of feeling "cheap" and "non-impactful" as well. I also would imagine we're not the only two here that has a story of that. I want to believe that maybe we can share each others experiences and perhaps others can grow above it all alongside us or even prevent someone from going through the same. I'm sick of living with this and desperately want something more out of life. Sometimes I even feel like there's multiple versions of myself trying to break free, versions of myself from the past, present, alter egos, alternate reality possible versions of myself, and more. Like I want a real chance to figure out who I am. Maybe that's the same with you. I have trouble distinguishing my emotions, feelings, and sometimes have a disconnection episode so bad that I can't even figure out my own reality of it all.